Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr. Dooley
th' flure, what do I find? Ivrything has gone wrong.
Th' wurruld is little betther thin a convict's camp.
Angabel an' Alfonso ar-re about to get marrid whin
it is discovered that she has a husband in loway an'
he has a wife in Wisconsin. All th' pomes be th' lady
authoressesses that used to : begin
*
Oh, moon, how
fair !' now begin :
*
Oh, Ogden Armour, how awful !'
Shakespeare's on'y mintioned as a crook. Here ye
ar-re. Last edition. Just out. Full account iv th'
Crimes iv Incalculated. Did ye read Larsen last
month on * Th' use iv Burglars as Burglar Alarums '
?
Good, was it? Thin read th' horrible disclosures
about th' way Jawn C. Higgins got th' right to build
a bay-window on his barber-shop at iliven forty-two
Kosciusko Avnoo, South Bennington, Arkansaw.
Read Wash'n'ton Bliffens's dhreadful assault on th'
board iv education iv Baraboo. Read Idarem on
Jawn D. ; she's a lady, but she's got th' punch.
Graft ivrywhere.
6
Graft in th' Insurance Comp'nies,'
' Graft in Congress,'
*
Graft in th' Supreem
Coort,' Graft be an Old Grafter,' Graft in Lith-
rachoor,' be Hinnery James ;
* Graft in Its Relations
to th' Higher Life,' be Dock Eliot; Th' Homeeric
Legend an' Graft ; Its Cause an' Effect ; Are They th'
Same? Yes and No,' be Norman Slapgood.
" An' so it goes, Hinnissy, till I'm that blue, dis-
couraged, an' broken-hearted I cud go to th' edge iv
th' wurruld an' jump off. It's a wicked, wicked, hor-
rible, place, an' this here counthry is about th' toughest
spot in it. Is there an honest man among us? If
there is throw him out. He's a spy. Is there an
institution that isn't corrupt to its very foundations?
Don't ye believe it. It on'y looks that way because
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