Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

Sadly, the three Taliban cheerleaders shake their heads "no." "But you're not in Afghanistan
anymore! You can do anything you want!" I turn to the troops. "Right, guys?!" The
troops, presumably, cheer.
The cheerleaders look at each other. Even through the burkhas, you can just feel the
sense of renewed hope. They huddle, talking animatedly. They decide to go for it! Music
kicks in: "Gonna Make You Sweat!" by C + C Music Factory, and the Taliban cheerleaders,
still in their burkhas, do their raunchiest NFL bump and grind.
So, flying across the Atlantic, as Traci, Michelle, and Nicole work out the choreography,
I ask one of our military attachés to call ahead to Ramstein Air Force Base for three
burkhas.
Five hours later we touch down in Germany and get the full military welcome. General
Gregory S. Martin, Commander, USAF Europe, greets each of us as we hit the tarmac.
There are phalanxes of airmen, lots of brass, including the commander of the 86th Airlift
Wing. He gives me a firm handshake and a warm smile.
"Mr. Franken, sir. I'm Brigadier General Mark Volcheff. Welcome to Germany.
Thank you so much for coming."
"My honor, sir."
"Could I talk to you for a moment?"
"Sure."
The general takes me aside and leans in confidentially.
"Mr. Franken, I understand that you put in a request for three burkhas, is that right?"
"Yes. I want to have the Patriot cheerleaders come out as the Taliban cheerleaders." I
grin, expecting a laugh. Instead, a pensive nod.
"Uh-huh. Mr. Franken, now this is entirely your decision. We certainly don't want to
tell you how to do your job. But we are trying to make the point that this is not a war against
Islam, and we think that the burkhas might send the wrong message to the Muslim world."
He's looking me square in the eye. The implication, basically, is that the Taliban
cheerleaders bit could severely complicate our war against terrorism, perhaps leading to the
deaths of thousands of innocent Americans.