Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

29
Operation Chickenhawk: Episode One
Unlike some of my fellow Democrats, I hope the Bush campaign runs that footage of him
strutting around the USS Abraham Lincoln in his flight suit. I hope they run it over and over.
plane.
You remember. The dramatic tailhook landing.
The President sitting in the S-3B Viking right beside the pilot who actually landed the
Ari Fleischer saying that Bush couldn't arrive by helicopter because the Lincoln
would "be hundreds of miles from shore" and impossible to reach except by jet.
The later reports explaining that, in fact, the Lincoln was so close to port that it had to
go back out to sea, make lazy circles, and, finally, be positioned so that the cameras couldn't
see the San Diego skyline looming behind him while Bush made his speech.
All that was fine by me. I just pray Bush uses the footage in his ads. That'll give us the
excuse to run this response. Assume for a second that the Democratic nominee is John Kerry.
OPEN ON: QUICK CUTS OF: TAILHOOK LANDING ON USS LINCOLN, BUSH IN
COCKPIT GIVING THUMBS UP, MINGLING WITH SAILORS.
KERRY (VOICE-OVER)
You know, dress up and make believe are fun.
BUSH SWAGGERING AROUND IN THE FLIGHT SUIT, WINKING, ETC.
KERRY (V.0.)
But years ago George W. Bush had a chance to be a real fighter pilot in a war. In-
stead he let his dad get him into the Texas Air National Guard,
KERRY (V.0.) (continued)
passing over the other guys ahead of him in line. Then he went AWOL for a year.
CUT TO: FOOTAGE OF LIEUTENANT KERRY IN VIETNAM.
KERRY (V.0.)