Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

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my old classmate from college former Deputy National Security Advisor James Steinberg, vice president and director of Foreign Policy Studies at Brookings. To my economic team: Bob McIntyre at Citizens for Tax Justice, Andrew Lee, Joel Friedman and Richard Kogan at the Center for Budget and Policy Priorities, Jeffrey Liebman from the Kennedy School, William Gale and Thomas Mann at Brookings. Paul Krugman, thanks for being an inspiration. Margie Kriz of the National Journal, thank you for your insight on Bush's environmental policies. Karl Struble, Max Cleland's media consultant—thank you for your insight into the 2002 Georgia campaign. Jim Kennedy from President Clinton's office, thanks for your help and friendship. Thanks to friends Hazel Lichterman, Bob Franken, Eli Attie, and Geoff Rodkey, who gave a read or two along the way. A special category to Republicans who either called me back or just stopped long enough to talk to me in person. Tucker Carlson, who spent the most time on the phone, then in descending order of time spent: Vin Weber, Peggy Noonan, Commerce Secretary Don Evans, Christopher Caldwell, Karl Rove, Barbara Bush, Paul Gigot, and Paul Wolfowitz. As Bill Frist said to David Wellstone, "It wasn't personal." And boos to William Kristol of the Weekly Standard for not returning multiple calls even after I left the message that he might have a Jayson Blair problem with Christopher Caldwell. Eric Alterman, thanks for writing a book on bias that I could just add jokes to. Sidney Blumenthal, Joe Conason, Mike Pesca, David Sirota, Molly Rowley, Peter Koechley; FAIR, Ralph Neas and everyone at People for the American Way, Bob Somerby at DailyHowler.com, SpinSanity, Buzzflash, Talkingpointsmemo.com, MediaWhores online.com, and Truthout.org were all great resources. Thank you. To Al Gore. A good man. A funny man. My friend. To Andy Breckman and John Markus, great comedy writers and great friends who gave me moral support when I needed it. And Roger Rosenblatt, who did the same. To Liz Topp, my personal assistant and friend. Thanks for handling my life for two years. When Franni wasn't.
To Marie Evans, Franni's assistant, meaning also mine. Thanks for making my life easier and brighter. To my kids, Thomasin and Joe. Especially Joe, who bore the brunt of my semester in Cambridge. I love you both, and I'm proud of you to boot. To Andy Barr, who was not just a key member of TeamFranken, my Bob Jones cohort, but also my assistant at Harvard. Andy also came down for the final push of the book and did heroic work. Billy Kimball, who, as always, lent his inspiration and brilliance to this project, is a great friend and an enormous comedic talent. And to Ben Wikler, who, thank God, took the final term off senior year-could not have done this without you. To your parents—you have a brilliant son and he will graduate. And to all the people who helped me that I forgot to acknowledge, it's Andy's fault.
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LIES (And the Lying Liars Who Tell
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"No problem," Harvard said absentmi
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God chose me to write this book. IN
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1 Hummus Asking whether there is a
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There is, however, a right-wing med
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page. Stock-car racing had been the
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Now, in fairness to Coulter, this k
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an editorial on Thomas titled, "The
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as in an actual chainsaw massacre).
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• And so is "half-wit" Jim Jeffor
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4 Liberals Who Hate America That's
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World War 11) And the ninety combat
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• Civil War reenactments—weird
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6 I Bitch-Slap Bernie Goldberg In J
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So, I, the comedian, bothered to lo
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Why, Bernie asks on page 57, is Rus
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Sure enough, a few hours later, ano
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Okay. Got it. Armed with both our M
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should have been an enormous credit
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national law to clean up hazardous
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SLATER: Governor, were you ever arr
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"All I know is that's what he told
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8 Conclusion: A Lesson Learned As t
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say they're to the right on economi
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10 Chapter for American Book by Kha
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12 The Chapter on Fox They Distort,
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Angered by Murdoch's apparent lack
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ports on Capitol Hill), and Mara Li
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"Look," I said, "I want them to tak
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She laughed. "No, Inside Edition ha
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I'd found four separate incidents w
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So I asked Bill where he grew up. W
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On February 26, 2001, O'Reilly defe
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Rap artist Ludacris never had the p
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When the last lie had been apologiz
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comment on. Instead, he asked Peggy
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For some reason, that set me off, a
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"When you look at schools in relati
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Ollie North—decorated for courage
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The debate over vouchers isn't abou
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Let's parse that sentence. It seems
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ence" number, 3.1 percent. The fact
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Wait. Must be the October 21, 2002,
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so instead of driving back, I playe
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Motberfuckers!, due out in October
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al Qaeda cells in more than twenty
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The final al Qaeda attack of the Cl
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16 Operation Ignore Bill Clinton's
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Homeland Security Agency with respo
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on August 3, after signing off on a
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eight programs, less than half deal
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18 Humor in Uniform As I said, I've
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"But it's funny!" As a comedian, th
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do. And fortunately, there were no
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19 Who Created the Tone? "Scumbag,"
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shed light on some of the clandesti
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Brown had been shot in the back of
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Joe Lockhart, former Clinton press
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No. 20 Did the Tone Chamge?
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Other rumors about McCain that bega
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Rove's innovative approach to campa
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"I know, baby. And I know you love
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22 I Grow Discouraged About the Ton
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Dana Milbank of the Washington Post
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Instead of using this unique moment
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Office." (Evidently, DiIulio never
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The White House had fought hearings
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23 I’m Prudenized Every once in a
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After several mocking references to
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24 Paul Gigot Is Unable to Defend a
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out the Wall Street Journal's cover
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Brady and the assault weapons ban w
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"No," said the kindly nurse. "I did
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Four days earlier, the Wellstone ca
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American Indians did some tribal dr
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like Playboy playmates," the BunnyR
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lican party's most loyal Oaks, pick
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That's it, Rush. The old fallback.
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tainly reverberated into the mainst
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of the Republi can talking heads wh
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"What did you see?" I asked him. "I
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articles—that got it wrong. Some
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our proudest moments of him. When h
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26 I Attend the White House Corresp
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"Oh, really? What?" "Every day, Han
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in listen ing to him sing. About fi
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Don Evans. Evans is among Bush's cl
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couldn't make any sense of it eithe
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to the Pentagon, a trip he had take
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28 Bush Can't Lose with Clinton's M
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The commanders then send the target
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If called on by the commander in ch
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This is me in Vietnam. Sorry the fo
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Van Cong River. Mekong Delta, South
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As Gore watched helplessly, it almo
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"That doesn't make sense," Gore sai
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"Regular? Eight dumps a day ain't r
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"Yes ... sir," said Ashcroft, snapp
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"Dirty story'll do." "You want guy-
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"Let's get the fuck outta here." "S
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"Noooooo!!!!" Bush poured the nitro
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"Help! Help me!" Kerry recognized L
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the American Enterprise Institute,
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Don't get me wrong. Republicans are
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You choose the one with the bad for
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31 I’m a Bad Liar I never lie. Th
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So the next day, I had Liz call and
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Seeing as how we did spend the time
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"Well, Doug, I'm not a scientist. B
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Andrew understood. "So it's like an
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"No. We don't allow it in the dorms
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ness and his willingness to call us
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Of course, I nodded. Made perfect s
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or "moderate" influence in forty-fo
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33 Abstinence Heroes President Bush
Page 231 and 232: In these days o£ rampant immoralit
Page 233 and 234: 26 "By Far the Vast Majority of My
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Page 237 and 238: It got a laugh in Iowa. And a laugh
Page 239 and 240: longest period of economic growth i
Page 241 and 242: e hard to do. It is, however, easy
Page 243 and 244: person who is still alive. The livi
Page 245 and 246: You know who I think the real lucky
Page 247 and 248: ALLISON: No pie for me. I'm on a di
Page 249 and 250: ALLISON: But, you know, Donna, I'd
Page 251: ALLISON: Are you kidding? If she ca
Page 254 and 255: ME: Sure. RICH: Do you fight a lot?
Page 256 and 257: 39 Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces: The B
Page 258 and 259: ing the Clean Water Act's rules to
Page 260 and 261: In 1995, a spill from one of these
Page 262 and 263: 40 I Meet Former First Lady Barbara
Page 264 and 265: After we landed and were getting ou
Page 266 and 267: It's because I think he is his moth
Page 268 and 269: espiratory failure, and more worrie
Page 270 and 271: Perhaps so many Americans believe t
Page 272 and 273: But to be fair to Bush, there's mor
Page 274 and 275: a. There are seventy-two million ch
Page 276 and 277: It is a great racket. And not just
Page 278 and 279: MEET TEAMFRANKEN The fourteen membe
Page 280 and 281: ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This is my fifth bo
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