Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

Andrew understood. "So it's like an advertisement?"
"Yeah."
That was quite a relief for me. Until that moment, I had been feeling more and more
guilty. But now that Gerald was lying about the college guide, I felt a lot better. Putting the
book aside, I smiled at Gerald. "Well, at least we know Bob Jones is an accredited university."
"Uh ... no. "No?"
"No. Actually, we choose not to be accredited. I can give you a pamphlet on that."
Assured that the pamphlet would explain everything, we moved on. Andrew expressed
an interest in theater. Gerald got very excited. Every year Bob Jones's theater department
presents what Gerald called a "Shakespeare-play." Gerald told us that before he
came to BJU, "I wasn't much for operas and Shakespeare-plays."
One concern. Mom, the one that looks like Naomi Judd, was worried about a certain
element that Andrew might be exposed to in the Drama Department. Did Gerald understand
what I was get ting at? To make it even clearer, I used the magic phrase, "alternative lifestyle."
Any of that here at BJU?
"Oh, no, no, no, no." Gerald shook his head. "No, no, no, no. No." None of that here.
We could be absolutely certain of that. Good, good. Because Andrew was looking forward in
particular to the heterosexual experience of college life.
"Yeah, my mom doesn't like me dating, because of, you know ... but college is the
time that, you know. . ."
"Oh, yes. We want you to meet girls here," Gerald smiled. "We encourage that."
"So, the dating scene," I asked on behalf of the boy, "what's that like?"
Before Gerald could respond, Andrew expressed some mild concern. "Yeah, I was
talking to some guys outside and they said there were some ... rules."
"Yes," Gerald nodded. "You cannot leave campus with someone of the opposite sex,
unless you are accompanied by a chaperone."
Andrew raised his eyebrows. Then, looking for a ray of hope, "But on campus, you
know..."
"We have a snack shop. You can sit and have a snack together."
Andrew and I looked at each other. How to put this?