Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

22
I Grow Discouraged About the Tone
The first hint that America was not headed for a golden age of reconciliation and unity of
purpose might have been Bush's nomination of John Ashcroft to be the nation's chief law enforcement
official. A ferocious opponent of a woman's right to choose to have an abortion, a
man's right to choose to have sex with another man, and a third man's right to choose to film
them, Ashcroft was Bush's sop to the religious right.
By the time the Bush team occupied the White House, it was clear the tone had indeed
changed-for the worse. With all the gravity of the Talmudic scholar-cum-Hollywood agent he
so closely resembled, press secretary Ari Fleischer addressed a story recently leaked to the
Washington Post. Criminal elements within the departing White House staff had committed a
despicable outrage at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Referring more in sadness than in anger to the "vandalism," Fleischer demurred, "I
choose not to describe what acts were done that we found upon arrival, because I think that's
part of changing the tone in Washington," thereby leaving it up to the press corps to imagine
shits taken on desks, vomit in filing cabinets, and TP covering the Rose Garden. To paraphrase
Groucho Marx, "Truth goes out the door when rumor comes innuendo."
"Whether things were done that were perhaps less gracious than should have been, it
is not going to be what President Bush focuses on, nor will it be what his staff focuses on,"
said the high-minded Fleischer, who continued to flog the story for weeks.
Meanwhile, media outlets were receiving leaks from anonymous Republican sources
sickened by the most extensive sack of the White House since the War of 1812. "Trash was
everywhere," one told CNN. Phone and computer lines had been cut, expletive-ridden graffiti
written on the walls, file cabinets glued shut, and pictures stolen. The Washington Times
quoted a Matt Drudge story titled "White House Offices Left Trashed: Porn Bombs, Lewd
Messages."
Unlike Matt Drudge, I've never experienced a porn bombing. I can only imagine that
a porn bomb is a form of "dirty bomb," consisting of a conventional explosive surrounded by
a thick coating of dirty books and pictures. When the bomb goes off, the filth, either images
or bits of text, could contaminate schoolyards, churches, and even John Ashcroft's morning
prayer meeting.