Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

Next to him Cheney was thrashing around in the water, clutching his chest. "Help!" he
gurgled. "Heart attack!"
On the boat, Bush jumped around hysterically. "Those dink bitches! They gave Dick
another heart attack! You're not going to let them get away with it, are you, Skipper?" Bush
pulled the pin from a hand grenade, dangled it above the sampan. Then lurching back drunkenly,
he dropped it at his own feet. "Oh shit!"
As Ashcroft, O'Reilly, and Thomas dove off the far side of the boat, Gore rushed forward
and scooped up the grenade. He threw it into the dense foliage lining the shore, where it
rolled into a well concealed machine-gun nest, killing three NVA regulars who were waiting
in ambush.
"I just saved your lives," Bush shouted jubilantly. "I'm gonna get me a medal!" Then
turning to Gore, he added, "Hey, reporter guy, gimme a beer."
"You see what I'm dealing with here?" Kerry asked, pulling on a dry shirt. "There's your article.
I've got a headline for you: 'Commander Sent into Battle with Dangerous Morons.' "
"I don't think Captain Ailes will be too pleased with that. How about I just emphasize
my own heroics in wiping out that machinegun nest?"
"Sure, sure, fine. As long as you don't write about the mission. It's Top Secret." Kerry
tossed an envelope marked "Operation Chicken Plucker" on the table in front of Gore. Kerry
nodded, "Go ahead, take a look."
As Gore thumbed through the dossier, Kerry began to explain. "Eight months ago, a
squad composed of raw recruits was sent to interdict VC supply routes along the Ho Chi
Minh Trail."
"Slow down, slow down." Gore had begun writing again.
Kerry slapped the pen from the journalist's hand. "No! I told you, this is Top Secret."
"Sorry. I thought you winked at me."
Kerry continued. "The first time the squad was sent out, they came back two hours
later without their lieutenant."
"Stepped on a mine?"
"That's what Gingrich and Limbaugh said. Private Buchanan said the officer was
greased by a sniper."