Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

"Noooooo!!!!" Bush poured the nitroglycerine tablets into Cheney's slack mouth. But
it was too late.
The moment the mortar round exploded, Kerry knew it was American ordnance. They
were taking friendly fire. But he also knew he had no choice but to shoot back with everything
they had. He looked up to the gun tub, where O'Reilly stood frozen at the twin.50s.
Kerry leapt up, shouldered O'Reilly aside, and unleashed the full fury of the machine gun in
the direction of the incoming fire.
Gingrich sized up the situation: behind them, an entire platoon of crafty, dedicated Viet
Cong; in front of them, a withering barrage of increasingly accurate fire that had them pinned
down. Only a miracle could save them now.
Limbaugh stood up and turned around, facing the VC. "We surrender," he screamed
in perfect Vietnamese, the only phrase he knew in that notoriously difficult language. Maybe
this was the miracle Gingrich was hoping for.
Mai Nu Ky, a battle-hardened thirteen-year-old corporal turned to her commander. "Comrade
Colonel, shall we capture the American or kill him?"
Nguyen raised his arm in a signal to cease fire. The highly disciplined soldiers lowered
their weapons as Limbaugh waddled toward them. Nguyen turned to Mai. "You may
have the honor of executing the giant pig, Corporal." She raised her weapon and fired once,
bringing Limbaugh down with a thunderous thud.
With surrender now out of the question, Gingrich could see only one chance to save
his skin. He'd have to trick the other members of his unit into making a suicidal charge
against the Swift Boat. With any luck, the Americans would kill each other off, leaving Gingrich
with the boat and a chance to escape. "Charge!" Gingrich yelled.
"You charge," Gramm called back.
"Let's all charge together!" shouted Buchanan, planning to fake getting shot by falling
to the ground and moaning.
"Ready?" yelled Gingrich. "One. Two. Three. Charge!" The three men stood up. Each
took a half step before theatrically falling down.
"I've been hit!" They called in unison.