Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

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• "Liberals hate America." • "Liberals hate all religions except Islam." • "Democrats actually hate working-class people." • "Liberals hate society." • 'Bragg resigned from The New York Times after using an uncredited TeamBragg to research a story on oyster men in Apalachicola, Florida. Rick Bragg, the pride and subsequent shame of Piedmont, Alabama. • "Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do." • "Democrats ... will destroy anyone who stands in their way. All that matters to them is power." • "Liberals can't just come out and say they want to take more of our money, kill babies, and discriminate on the basis of race." • "Liberals seek to destroy sexual differentiation in order to destroy morality." • "That's the whole point of being a liberal: to feel superior to people with less money." • "Liberals are crazy." All this seems the slightest bit odd considering that the first line of the first page of Slander is "Political ‘debate' in this country has become insufferable." And she explains, "Instead of actual debate about ideas and issues with real consequences, the country is trapped in a political discourse that resembles professional wrestling." So what is Coulter's contribution to civilizing our political discourse? Well, in the entire 206 pages, she never actually makes a case for any conservative issue. Not school vouchers, not supply side tax cuts, not privatization of Social Security. The entire book is filled with distortions, factual errors, and vicious invective—slander, if you will—bolstered by the shoddiest research this side of the Hitler diaries. Take, for example, this gem from page 68. To support her claim that the mainstream media is in the hands of lefties, Coulter makes the point that Newsweek Washington bureau chief Evan Thomas "is the son of Norman Thomas, a four-time Socialist candidate for president." Actually, Norman Thomas was the Socialist candidate six times, running first in 1928 with a radical proposal for something called "Social Security." It's odd that Coulter understates the number of times that Thomas was the Socialist party nominee, because that would make her argument that much stronger. If Norman Thomas had been Evan Thomas's father. Which he was not.
Now, in fairness to Coulter, this kind of research is tough to do. I asked TeamFranken how someone might be able to find out something like that. There were a number of suggestions. Google search. Nexis search. Go into The New York Times archives for the obit. Then one of the kids hit on a simple, yet quite brilliant idea. Why not call Evan Thomas? Just for future reference, Ann, here's a transcript of my call with Evan Thomas: ME: Evan, thank you for taking my call. EVAN THOMAS: No problem, AI. What's up? ME: Was Norman Thomas your father? EVAN: No. That sounds simple enough. But to protect my reputation for thoroughness, I didn't let Evan off the hook quite so fast. ME: Are you sure? EVAN: Yes. ME: And your father? What was his name? EVAN: Evan Thomas, Sr. I'm a junior. ME: Uh-huh? And your father, Evan Thomas, Sr., did he ever run for president? EVAN: No. He was in publishing. ME: And you're sure? EVAN: Yes. AI, is this about that Ann Coulter thing? ME: Yeah. EVAN: I heard about that. Is there something wrong with her? Yes, there is. Particularly considering that when going after the book publishing industry, Coulter complains that "liberal jeremiads make it to print without the most cursory fact-checking." (Which reminds me, I really should be fact-checking this thing as I go along.)' Actually, I do take great pains in my research. In my last book of this nature, a little number one New York Times best-seller entitled Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations, only one claim was arguably inaccurate, and I am pleased to be the first person
Page 1 and 2: LIES (And the Lying Liars Who Tell
Page 3 and 4: "No problem," Harvard said absentmi
Page 5 and 6: God chose me to write this book. IN
Page 7 and 8: 1 Hummus Asking whether there is a
Page 9 and 10: There is, however, a right-wing med
Page 11: page. Stock-car racing had been the
Page 15 and 16: an editorial on Thomas titled, "The
Page 17 and 18: as in an actual chainsaw massacre).
Page 19 and 20: • And so is "half-wit" Jim Jeffor
Page 21 and 22: 4 Liberals Who Hate America That's
Page 23 and 24: World War 11) And the ninety combat
Page 25 and 26: • Civil War reenactments—weird
Page 27 and 28: 6 I Bitch-Slap Bernie Goldberg In J
Page 29 and 30: So, I, the comedian, bothered to lo
Page 31 and 32: Why, Bernie asks on page 57, is Rus
Page 33 and 34: Sure enough, a few hours later, ano
Page 35 and 36: Okay. Got it. Armed with both our M
Page 37 and 38: should have been an enormous credit
Page 39 and 40: national law to clean up hazardous
Page 41 and 42: SLATER: Governor, were you ever arr
Page 43 and 44: "All I know is that's what he told
Page 45 and 46: 8 Conclusion: A Lesson Learned As t
Page 47 and 48: say they're to the right on economi
Page 49 and 50: 10 Chapter for American Book by Kha
Page 51 and 52: 12 The Chapter on Fox They Distort,
Page 53 and 54: Angered by Murdoch's apparent lack
Page 55 and 56: ports on Capitol Hill), and Mara Li
Page 57 and 58: "Look," I said, "I want them to tak
Page 59 and 60: She laughed. "No, Inside Edition ha
Page 61 and 62: I'd found four separate incidents w
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So I asked Bill where he grew up. W
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On February 26, 2001, O'Reilly defe
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Rap artist Ludacris never had the p
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When the last lie had been apologiz
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comment on. Instead, he asked Peggy
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For some reason, that set me off, a
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"When you look at schools in relati
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Ollie North—decorated for courage
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The debate over vouchers isn't abou
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Let's parse that sentence. It seems
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ence" number, 3.1 percent. The fact
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Wait. Must be the October 21, 2002,
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so instead of driving back, I playe
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Motberfuckers!, due out in October
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al Qaeda cells in more than twenty
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The final al Qaeda attack of the Cl
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16 Operation Ignore Bill Clinton's
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Homeland Security Agency with respo
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on August 3, after signing off on a
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eight programs, less than half deal
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18 Humor in Uniform As I said, I've
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"But it's funny!" As a comedian, th
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do. And fortunately, there were no
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19 Who Created the Tone? "Scumbag,"
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shed light on some of the clandesti
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Brown had been shot in the back of
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Joe Lockhart, former Clinton press
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No. 20 Did the Tone Chamge?
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Other rumors about McCain that bega
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Rove's innovative approach to campa
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"I know, baby. And I know you love
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22 I Grow Discouraged About the Ton
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Dana Milbank of the Washington Post
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Instead of using this unique moment
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Office." (Evidently, DiIulio never
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The White House had fought hearings
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23 I’m Prudenized Every once in a
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After several mocking references to
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24 Paul Gigot Is Unable to Defend a
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out the Wall Street Journal's cover
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Brady and the assault weapons ban w
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"No," said the kindly nurse. "I did
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Four days earlier, the Wellstone ca
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American Indians did some tribal dr
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like Playboy playmates," the BunnyR
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lican party's most loyal Oaks, pick
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That's it, Rush. The old fallback.
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tainly reverberated into the mainst
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of the Republi can talking heads wh
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"What did you see?" I asked him. "I
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articles—that got it wrong. Some
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our proudest moments of him. When h
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26 I Attend the White House Corresp
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"Oh, really? What?" "Every day, Han
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in listen ing to him sing. About fi
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Don Evans. Evans is among Bush's cl
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couldn't make any sense of it eithe
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to the Pentagon, a trip he had take
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28 Bush Can't Lose with Clinton's M
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The commanders then send the target
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If called on by the commander in ch
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This is me in Vietnam. Sorry the fo
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Van Cong River. Mekong Delta, South
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As Gore watched helplessly, it almo
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"That doesn't make sense," Gore sai
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"Regular? Eight dumps a day ain't r
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"Yes ... sir," said Ashcroft, snapp
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"Dirty story'll do." "You want guy-
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"Let's get the fuck outta here." "S
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"Noooooo!!!!" Bush poured the nitro
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"Help! Help me!" Kerry recognized L
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the American Enterprise Institute,
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Don't get me wrong. Republicans are
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You choose the one with the bad for
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31 I’m a Bad Liar I never lie. Th
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So the next day, I had Liz call and
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Seeing as how we did spend the time
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"Well, Doug, I'm not a scientist. B
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Andrew understood. "So it's like an
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"No. We don't allow it in the dorms
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ness and his willingness to call us
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Of course, I nodded. Made perfect s
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or "moderate" influence in forty-fo
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33 Abstinence Heroes President Bush
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In these days o£ rampant immoralit
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26 "By Far the Vast Majority of My
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taxes than in income taxes, so this
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It got a laugh in Iowa. And a laugh
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longest period of economic growth i
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e hard to do. It is, however, easy
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person who is still alive. The livi
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You know who I think the real lucky
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ALLISON: No pie for me. I'm on a di
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ALLISON: But, you know, Donna, I'd
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ALLISON: Are you kidding? If she ca
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ME: Sure. RICH: Do you fight a lot?
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39 Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces: The B
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ing the Clean Water Act's rules to
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In 1995, a spill from one of these
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40 I Meet Former First Lady Barbara
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After we landed and were getting ou
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It's because I think he is his moth
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espiratory failure, and more worrie
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Perhaps so many Americans believe t
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But to be fair to Bush, there's mor
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a. There are seventy-two million ch
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It is a great racket. And not just
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MEET TEAMFRANKEN The fourteen membe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This is my fifth bo
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my old classmate from college forme
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