Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

cently resigned as chairman of the Defense Policy Board because of a financial conflict of
interest, but had remained on the Board itself for reasons that will puzzle ethicists for centuries.
At a table to our left, the jackpot. Karl Rove. Karl Rove! And as the Marine band
played "Hail to the Chief," we both stood, not two feet apart, both applauding the President as
he entered the room and took his place on the dais. Rove took note and called out to a White
House pal, grinning, "Hey, look, Franken's applauding the President!"
"Of course I am," I said, as I continued applauding heartily. "He's the President of the
United States. He's my president; he's your president; he's the President, elected fair and
squ— Well, he's the President."
"He was elected fair and square," Rove said, as we both kept applauding.
"I don't think so."
"Do you believe in the Constitution?" Rove asked me.
"Yes. I believe in the Constitution," I said with a firm nod.
"Then he was elected fair and square," he said.
"That doesn't necessarily follow," I answered. "I believe in the Constitution. But he
wasn't elected fair and square."
That was fun. Then three thousand people, including me, drank a toast to the President,
and sat down, and I learned a little about Ireland from Liam (Seamus?). Nothing interesting
enough to tell you. I peeked at the program, which had a seating chart, and found Alan
Colmes's table among all the Fox people. I had been watching a lot of Hannity and Colmes during
the war in Iraq and had something I thought Alan could use against Hannity.
So, after my salad, I mosied over to table 251. As you can imagine, Don Evans, Richard
Perle, and Karl Rove were at very nice tables dead center in front of the stage. Which
meant I was sitting pretty, too. For some reason, Fox had lousy seats, as far to one side of the
ballroom as possible. And when I reached the Fox tables, I saw that Alan was sitting directly
behind a pillar. He had an obstructed view. I looked around the ballroom and saw that, in the
entire place, there were four obstructed views. Alan Colmes had one of them.
Seated next to Alan was his fiancée, who is absolutely lovely. Alan introduced us, and
I told him he's a very lucky man. Then I said, "Alan, I've been watching your show a lot during
this war, and I think I have something that might help you."