Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

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AL: Shoot. That proves her point, then. Also, she mentions insolent pleasure. Do you get insolent pleasure from lying? DAN: Yeah. I guess so. But it's more the sheer joy. AL: So more sheer joy than insolent pleasure? DAN: Yeah. That's about right. By the way, we have a bet here in the newsroom about what exactly is wrong with Ann Coulter. AL: I can't help you out. I don't claim to understand it. Anyway, thanks, Dan. DAN: Sure, AI. That's one of the nice things about this job. Making contact with fellow liberals and taking insolent pleasure and/or experiencing the sheer joy of lying to you, our readers. I'd made a friend for life.
8 Conclusion: A Lesson Learned As the application of TeamFranken's Hypothetical Liberal Media Paradigm Matrix amply demonstrates, there is no liberal bias in the media when it comes to politics. What a pity. I think a little liberal bias would make me feel better about all three branches of the government being controlled by the right. Let's review. • Politics-no liberal bias • Social issues-trivial liberal bias (no mainstream journalist has ever bombed an abortion clinic) • Sports-massive, but inconsequential, conservative bias. • The Funnies-funny bias, or in the case of Family Circus, funny and heartwarming bias Am I overlooking anything important? I guess I'm done. That was easy. My second shortest book ever. I guess I'll just check my stock portfolio. Money is so important to me. Wait! That's it! Money! That's what I was forgetting. Economic issues. Nuts. I'm not finished, after all. Now I wish I hadn't dismissed TeamFranken. Well, I'll just have to get them back and as sign them to do a massive amount of research on how the media covers economic issues, while I figure out some way to make that interesting. Wait! I've got an idea ...
Page 1 and 2: LIES (And the Lying Liars Who Tell
Page 3 and 4: "No problem," Harvard said absentmi
Page 5 and 6: God chose me to write this book. IN
Page 7 and 8: 1 Hummus Asking whether there is a
Page 9 and 10: There is, however, a right-wing med
Page 11 and 12: page. Stock-car racing had been the
Page 13 and 14: Now, in fairness to Coulter, this k
Page 15 and 16: an editorial on Thomas titled, "The
Page 17 and 18: as in an actual chainsaw massacre).
Page 19 and 20: • And so is "half-wit" Jim Jeffor
Page 21 and 22: 4 Liberals Who Hate America That's
Page 23 and 24: World War 11) And the ninety combat
Page 25 and 26: • Civil War reenactments—weird
Page 27 and 28: 6 I Bitch-Slap Bernie Goldberg In J
Page 29 and 30: So, I, the comedian, bothered to lo
Page 31 and 32: Why, Bernie asks on page 57, is Rus
Page 33 and 34: Sure enough, a few hours later, ano
Page 35 and 36: Okay. Got it. Armed with both our M
Page 37 and 38: should have been an enormous credit
Page 39 and 40: national law to clean up hazardous
Page 41 and 42: SLATER: Governor, were you ever arr
Page 43: "All I know is that's what he told
Page 47 and 48: say they're to the right on economi
Page 49 and 50: 10 Chapter for American Book by Kha
Page 51 and 52: 12 The Chapter on Fox They Distort,
Page 53 and 54: Angered by Murdoch's apparent lack
Page 55 and 56: ports on Capitol Hill), and Mara Li
Page 57 and 58: "Look," I said, "I want them to tak
Page 59 and 60: She laughed. "No, Inside Edition ha
Page 61 and 62: I'd found four separate incidents w
Page 63 and 64: So I asked Bill where he grew up. W
Page 65 and 66: On February 26, 2001, O'Reilly defe
Page 67 and 68: Rap artist Ludacris never had the p
Page 69 and 70: When the last lie had been apologiz
Page 71 and 72: comment on. Instead, he asked Peggy
Page 73 and 74: For some reason, that set me off, a
Page 75 and 76: "When you look at schools in relati
Page 77 and 78: Ollie North—decorated for courage
Page 79 and 80: The debate over vouchers isn't abou
Page 81 and 82: Let's parse that sentence. It seems
Page 83 and 84: ence" number, 3.1 percent. The fact
Page 85 and 86: Wait. Must be the October 21, 2002,
Page 87 and 88: so instead of driving back, I playe
Page 89 and 90: Motberfuckers!, due out in October
Page 91 and 92: al Qaeda cells in more than twenty
Page 93 and 94: The final al Qaeda attack of the Cl
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16 Operation Ignore Bill Clinton's
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Homeland Security Agency with respo
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on August 3, after signing off on a
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eight programs, less than half deal
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18 Humor in Uniform As I said, I've
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"But it's funny!" As a comedian, th
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do. And fortunately, there were no
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19 Who Created the Tone? "Scumbag,"
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shed light on some of the clandesti
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Brown had been shot in the back of
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Joe Lockhart, former Clinton press
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No. 20 Did the Tone Chamge?
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Other rumors about McCain that bega
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Rove's innovative approach to campa
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"I know, baby. And I know you love
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22 I Grow Discouraged About the Ton
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Dana Milbank of the Washington Post
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Instead of using this unique moment
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Office." (Evidently, DiIulio never
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The White House had fought hearings
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23 I’m Prudenized Every once in a
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After several mocking references to
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24 Paul Gigot Is Unable to Defend a
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out the Wall Street Journal's cover
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Brady and the assault weapons ban w
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"No," said the kindly nurse. "I did
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Four days earlier, the Wellstone ca
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American Indians did some tribal dr
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like Playboy playmates," the BunnyR
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lican party's most loyal Oaks, pick
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That's it, Rush. The old fallback.
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tainly reverberated into the mainst
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of the Republi can talking heads wh
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"What did you see?" I asked him. "I
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articles—that got it wrong. Some
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our proudest moments of him. When h
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26 I Attend the White House Corresp
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"Oh, really? What?" "Every day, Han
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in listen ing to him sing. About fi
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Don Evans. Evans is among Bush's cl
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couldn't make any sense of it eithe
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to the Pentagon, a trip he had take
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28 Bush Can't Lose with Clinton's M
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The commanders then send the target
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If called on by the commander in ch
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This is me in Vietnam. Sorry the fo
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Van Cong River. Mekong Delta, South
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As Gore watched helplessly, it almo
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"That doesn't make sense," Gore sai
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"Regular? Eight dumps a day ain't r
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"Yes ... sir," said Ashcroft, snapp
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"Dirty story'll do." "You want guy-
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"Let's get the fuck outta here." "S
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"Noooooo!!!!" Bush poured the nitro
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"Help! Help me!" Kerry recognized L
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the American Enterprise Institute,
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Don't get me wrong. Republicans are
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You choose the one with the bad for
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31 I’m a Bad Liar I never lie. Th
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So the next day, I had Liz call and
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Seeing as how we did spend the time
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"Well, Doug, I'm not a scientist. B
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Andrew understood. "So it's like an
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"No. We don't allow it in the dorms
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ness and his willingness to call us
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Of course, I nodded. Made perfect s
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or "moderate" influence in forty-fo
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33 Abstinence Heroes President Bush
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In these days o£ rampant immoralit
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26 "By Far the Vast Majority of My
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taxes than in income taxes, so this
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It got a laugh in Iowa. And a laugh
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longest period of economic growth i
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e hard to do. It is, however, easy
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person who is still alive. The livi
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You know who I think the real lucky
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ALLISON: No pie for me. I'm on a di
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ALLISON: But, you know, Donna, I'd
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ALLISON: Are you kidding? If she ca
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ME: Sure. RICH: Do you fight a lot?
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39 Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces: The B
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ing the Clean Water Act's rules to
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In 1995, a spill from one of these
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40 I Meet Former First Lady Barbara
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After we landed and were getting ou
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It's because I think he is his moth
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espiratory failure, and more worrie
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Perhaps so many Americans believe t
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But to be fair to Bush, there's mor
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a. There are seventy-two million ch
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It is a great racket. And not just
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MEET TEAMFRANKEN The fourteen membe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This is my fifth bo
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my old classmate from college forme
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