Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

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7 The 2000 Presidential Election: How it Disproved the Hypothetical Liberal Media Paradigm Matrix In order to examine more closely the conservative claims of liberal media bias, TeamFranken constructed a hypothetical model. Let's say that during the 2000 presidential election, liberals controlled the media and used it in a biased manner. In our hypothetical, we asked, how would this liberal media distort the news to ensure that the liberal candidate won the election over the conservative candidate? At the risk of stating the obvious, one of our axioms was that negative press hurts a candidate running for election, while positive press helps. Ergo, if the liberal media wanted to help the Democratic candidate, it would run positive stories about him and negative stories about the Republican. To illustrate our hypothetical paradigm, we commissioned this diagram: HYPOTHETICAL LIBERAL MEDIA PARADIGM MATRIX With this powerful new tool, the HLMP Matrix, developed here at Harvard with funds from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for Social justice, we were ready to evaluate in an analytical, unbiased way the media coverage of the 2000 campaign. Before we give you the results, let's look at what some of our friends have to say about the political slant of the media. • Ann Coulter: "The public square is wall-to-wall liberal propaganda." • Sean Hannity: "The evidence of bias is overwhelming." • Bernard Goldberg: "They have a liberal bias."
Okay. Got it. Armed with both our Matrix and the reliable analysis of our friends, we knew what to expect. Lots and lots of negative stories about George W. Bush. And lots and lots of positive ones about Albert Gore. So, you can understand why we were stunned when we saw an actual study on media coverage during the 2000 election. What actually happened during the 2000 election campaign blows to smithereens the predictions of our Hypothetical Liberal Media Paradigm Matrix. Get a load of this chart from the Pew Charitable Trusts Project for Excellence in journalism. Tone of Coverage for Gore & Bush Gore Bush Positive 13% 24% Neutral 31% 27% Negative 56% 49% Total 100% 100% Holy shit! This makes no sense. The numbers for Gore, the liberal, were more negative and a lot less positive than the numbers for Bush. The media, which we just assumed to be liberal, because that's what we had heard so often, was actually nicer to the conservative! Could that possibly be true? Let's look at it again. Tone of Coverage for Gore & Bush Gore Bush Positive 13% 24% Neutral 31% 27% Negative 56% 49% Total 100% 100% Holy shit! A million questions raced through our minds. Who are these Pew people? Where do these numbers come from? Was this just another liberal lie?
Page 1 and 2: LIES (And the Lying Liars Who Tell
Page 3 and 4: "No problem," Harvard said absentmi
Page 5 and 6: God chose me to write this book. IN
Page 7 and 8: 1 Hummus Asking whether there is a
Page 9 and 10: There is, however, a right-wing med
Page 11 and 12: page. Stock-car racing had been the
Page 13 and 14: Now, in fairness to Coulter, this k
Page 15 and 16: an editorial on Thomas titled, "The
Page 17 and 18: as in an actual chainsaw massacre).
Page 19 and 20: • And so is "half-wit" Jim Jeffor
Page 21 and 22: 4 Liberals Who Hate America That's
Page 23 and 24: World War 11) And the ninety combat
Page 25 and 26: • Civil War reenactments—weird
Page 27 and 28: 6 I Bitch-Slap Bernie Goldberg In J
Page 29 and 30: So, I, the comedian, bothered to lo
Page 31 and 32: Why, Bernie asks on page 57, is Rus
Page 33: Sure enough, a few hours later, ano
Page 37 and 38: should have been an enormous credit
Page 39 and 40: national law to clean up hazardous
Page 41 and 42: SLATER: Governor, were you ever arr
Page 43 and 44: "All I know is that's what he told
Page 45 and 46: 8 Conclusion: A Lesson Learned As t
Page 47 and 48: say they're to the right on economi
Page 49 and 50: 10 Chapter for American Book by Kha
Page 51 and 52: 12 The Chapter on Fox They Distort,
Page 53 and 54: Angered by Murdoch's apparent lack
Page 55 and 56: ports on Capitol Hill), and Mara Li
Page 57 and 58: "Look," I said, "I want them to tak
Page 59 and 60: She laughed. "No, Inside Edition ha
Page 61 and 62: I'd found four separate incidents w
Page 63 and 64: So I asked Bill where he grew up. W
Page 65 and 66: On February 26, 2001, O'Reilly defe
Page 67 and 68: Rap artist Ludacris never had the p
Page 69 and 70: When the last lie had been apologiz
Page 71 and 72: comment on. Instead, he asked Peggy
Page 73 and 74: For some reason, that set me off, a
Page 75 and 76: "When you look at schools in relati
Page 77 and 78: Ollie North—decorated for courage
Page 79 and 80: The debate over vouchers isn't abou
Page 81 and 82: Let's parse that sentence. It seems
Page 83 and 84: ence" number, 3.1 percent. The fact
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Wait. Must be the October 21, 2002,
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so instead of driving back, I playe
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Motberfuckers!, due out in October
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al Qaeda cells in more than twenty
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The final al Qaeda attack of the Cl
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16 Operation Ignore Bill Clinton's
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Homeland Security Agency with respo
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on August 3, after signing off on a
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eight programs, less than half deal
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18 Humor in Uniform As I said, I've
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"But it's funny!" As a comedian, th
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do. And fortunately, there were no
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19 Who Created the Tone? "Scumbag,"
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shed light on some of the clandesti
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Brown had been shot in the back of
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Joe Lockhart, former Clinton press
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No. 20 Did the Tone Chamge?
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Other rumors about McCain that bega
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Rove's innovative approach to campa
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"I know, baby. And I know you love
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22 I Grow Discouraged About the Ton
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Dana Milbank of the Washington Post
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Instead of using this unique moment
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Office." (Evidently, DiIulio never
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The White House had fought hearings
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23 I’m Prudenized Every once in a
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After several mocking references to
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24 Paul Gigot Is Unable to Defend a
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out the Wall Street Journal's cover
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Brady and the assault weapons ban w
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"No," said the kindly nurse. "I did
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Four days earlier, the Wellstone ca
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American Indians did some tribal dr
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like Playboy playmates," the BunnyR
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lican party's most loyal Oaks, pick
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That's it, Rush. The old fallback.
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tainly reverberated into the mainst
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of the Republi can talking heads wh
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"What did you see?" I asked him. "I
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articles—that got it wrong. Some
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our proudest moments of him. When h
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26 I Attend the White House Corresp
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"Oh, really? What?" "Every day, Han
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in listen ing to him sing. About fi
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Don Evans. Evans is among Bush's cl
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couldn't make any sense of it eithe
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to the Pentagon, a trip he had take
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28 Bush Can't Lose with Clinton's M
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The commanders then send the target
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If called on by the commander in ch
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This is me in Vietnam. Sorry the fo
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Van Cong River. Mekong Delta, South
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As Gore watched helplessly, it almo
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"That doesn't make sense," Gore sai
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"Regular? Eight dumps a day ain't r
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"Yes ... sir," said Ashcroft, snapp
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"Dirty story'll do." "You want guy-
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"Let's get the fuck outta here." "S
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"Noooooo!!!!" Bush poured the nitro
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"Help! Help me!" Kerry recognized L
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the American Enterprise Institute,
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Don't get me wrong. Republicans are
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You choose the one with the bad for
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31 I’m a Bad Liar I never lie. Th
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So the next day, I had Liz call and
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Seeing as how we did spend the time
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"Well, Doug, I'm not a scientist. B
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Andrew understood. "So it's like an
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"No. We don't allow it in the dorms
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ness and his willingness to call us
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Of course, I nodded. Made perfect s
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or "moderate" influence in forty-fo
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33 Abstinence Heroes President Bush
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In these days o£ rampant immoralit
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26 "By Far the Vast Majority of My
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taxes than in income taxes, so this
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It got a laugh in Iowa. And a laugh
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longest period of economic growth i
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e hard to do. It is, however, easy
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person who is still alive. The livi
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You know who I think the real lucky
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ALLISON: No pie for me. I'm on a di
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ALLISON: But, you know, Donna, I'd
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ALLISON: Are you kidding? If she ca
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ME: Sure. RICH: Do you fight a lot?
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39 Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces: The B
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ing the Clean Water Act's rules to
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In 1995, a spill from one of these
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40 I Meet Former First Lady Barbara
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After we landed and were getting ou
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It's because I think he is his moth
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espiratory failure, and more worrie
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Perhaps so many Americans believe t
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But to be fair to Bush, there's mor
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a. There are seventy-two million ch
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It is a great racket. And not just
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MEET TEAMFRANKEN The fourteen membe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This is my fifth bo
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my old classmate from college forme
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