Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Harvard Business School), on page 34, on page 124, then again on 130, 131, 134, and finally again on page 197. If Ann Coulter were genuinely interested in finding out who single-handedly won the Cold War, she should have called my old friend Marshal Viktor Kulikov, the former Warsaw Pact commander. In 1992, Kulikov told U.S. News & World Report that "Reagan was a logical extension of what had started with Truman, a concentrated effort to weaken and intimidate the Soviet Union." Other people give credit for ending the Cold War to the Polish pope, John Paul II; to Lech Walesa and his independent trade union, Solidarity; to Jimmy Carter, who put pressure on Moscow to respect the human rights of its people; and to the Soviet Union itself, which was collapsing under the crushing weight of its own failed system. Reagan, of course, did put the medium-range Pershing II missiles in Europe and began developing the Rube Goldberg Star Wars missile defense system which protects us to this day. So credit where credit is due. Viktor told me that Reagan's aggressive posture unquestionably hastened the inevitable collapse of the Soviet Union by a week to ten days. Personally, I believe it was the Beatles who set the whole thing in motion. Once The White Album made it over the border hidden in the false bottom of an Aeroflot pilot's briefcase, it was only a matter of time. You do a lot of traveling on USO tours. John Glenn and I flew to Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany, to Aviano Air Base in Italy, to the Truman somewhere in the Mediterranean, and to Eagle Base in Tuzla, Bosnia, Camp Able Sentry in Macedonia, and Camp Bondsteel in Kosovo. At each stop, I entertained the troops with anti-American jokes. I got to spend a lot of time with Senator Glenn and his wife, Annie. I'd kid him a lot. Whenever we were just taking off in some cargo plane or helicopter, I'd say, "So, John, you nervous?" He'd laugh. And as I, a fellow Democrat, began to gain his trust, Glenn opened up to me about just how much he hates America. I mean, by Coulter's standards, he had been an extremely liberal senator: pro-union, pro-choice, pro-Social Security, pro-Medicare. You know, all those anti-American things. On the flight from Europe back to Andrews Air Force Base, I asked him, "John, tell me. Are you kind of embarrassed about the fifty-nine missions you flew as a Marine pilot in
World War 11) And the ninety combat missions you flew in Korea? And the five Distinguished Flying Crosses and nineteen Air Medals you earned?" "Yeah," he cringed, "I'd just as soon not be reminded of all that." "How about being the first American to orbit the Earth?" "It makes me ashamed just to think about it," he said, bowing his head as we touched down at Andrews. Whenever I think back to that day and Glenn's slumped, heaving shoulders, Annie vainly trying to comfort him, I am always amazed at just how large a burden one man can bear for all the things he has done for the country he hates.
Page 1 and 2: LIES (And the Lying Liars Who Tell
Page 3 and 4: "No problem," Harvard said absentmi
Page 5 and 6: God chose me to write this book. IN
Page 7 and 8: 1 Hummus Asking whether there is a
Page 9 and 10: There is, however, a right-wing med
Page 11 and 12: page. Stock-car racing had been the
Page 13 and 14: Now, in fairness to Coulter, this k
Page 15 and 16: an editorial on Thomas titled, "The
Page 17 and 18: as in an actual chainsaw massacre).
Page 19 and 20: • And so is "half-wit" Jim Jeffor
Page 21: 4 Liberals Who Hate America That's
Page 25 and 26: • Civil War reenactments—weird
Page 27 and 28: 6 I Bitch-Slap Bernie Goldberg In J
Page 29 and 30: So, I, the comedian, bothered to lo
Page 31 and 32: Why, Bernie asks on page 57, is Rus
Page 33 and 34: Sure enough, a few hours later, ano
Page 35 and 36: Okay. Got it. Armed with both our M
Page 37 and 38: should have been an enormous credit
Page 39 and 40: national law to clean up hazardous
Page 41 and 42: SLATER: Governor, were you ever arr
Page 43 and 44: "All I know is that's what he told
Page 45 and 46: 8 Conclusion: A Lesson Learned As t
Page 47 and 48: say they're to the right on economi
Page 49 and 50: 10 Chapter for American Book by Kha
Page 51 and 52: 12 The Chapter on Fox They Distort,
Page 53 and 54: Angered by Murdoch's apparent lack
Page 55 and 56: ports on Capitol Hill), and Mara Li
Page 57 and 58: "Look," I said, "I want them to tak
Page 59 and 60: She laughed. "No, Inside Edition ha
Page 61 and 62: I'd found four separate incidents w
Page 63 and 64: So I asked Bill where he grew up. W
Page 65 and 66: On February 26, 2001, O'Reilly defe
Page 67 and 68: Rap artist Ludacris never had the p
Page 69 and 70: When the last lie had been apologiz
Page 71 and 72: comment on. Instead, he asked Peggy
Page 73 and 74:
For some reason, that set me off, a
Page 75 and 76:
"When you look at schools in relati
Page 77 and 78:
Ollie North—decorated for courage
Page 79 and 80:
The debate over vouchers isn't abou
Page 81 and 82:
Let's parse that sentence. It seems
Page 83 and 84:
ence" number, 3.1 percent. The fact
Page 85 and 86:
Wait. Must be the October 21, 2002,
Page 87 and 88:
so instead of driving back, I playe
Page 89 and 90:
Motberfuckers!, due out in October
Page 91 and 92:
al Qaeda cells in more than twenty
Page 93 and 94:
The final al Qaeda attack of the Cl
Page 95 and 96:
16 Operation Ignore Bill Clinton's
Page 97 and 98:
Homeland Security Agency with respo
Page 99 and 100:
on August 3, after signing off on a
Page 101 and 102:
eight programs, less than half deal
Page 103 and 104:
18 Humor in Uniform As I said, I've
Page 105 and 106:
"But it's funny!" As a comedian, th
Page 107 and 108:
do. And fortunately, there were no
Page 109 and 110:
19 Who Created the Tone? "Scumbag,"
Page 111 and 112:
shed light on some of the clandesti
Page 113 and 114:
Brown had been shot in the back of
Page 115 and 116:
Joe Lockhart, former Clinton press
Page 117 and 118:
No. 20 Did the Tone Chamge?
Page 119 and 120:
Other rumors about McCain that bega
Page 121 and 122:
Rove's innovative approach to campa
Page 123 and 124:
"I know, baby. And I know you love
Page 125 and 126:
22 I Grow Discouraged About the Ton
Page 127 and 128:
Dana Milbank of the Washington Post
Page 129 and 130:
Instead of using this unique moment
Page 131 and 132:
Office." (Evidently, DiIulio never
Page 133 and 134:
The White House had fought hearings
Page 135 and 136:
23 I’m Prudenized Every once in a
Page 137 and 138:
After several mocking references to
Page 139 and 140:
24 Paul Gigot Is Unable to Defend a
Page 141 and 142:
out the Wall Street Journal's cover
Page 143 and 144:
Brady and the assault weapons ban w
Page 145 and 146:
"No," said the kindly nurse. "I did
Page 147 and 148:
Four days earlier, the Wellstone ca
Page 149 and 150:
American Indians did some tribal dr
Page 151 and 152:
like Playboy playmates," the BunnyR
Page 153 and 154:
lican party's most loyal Oaks, pick
Page 155 and 156:
That's it, Rush. The old fallback.
Page 157 and 158:
tainly reverberated into the mainst
Page 159 and 160:
of the Republi can talking heads wh
Page 161 and 162:
"What did you see?" I asked him. "I
Page 163 and 164:
articles—that got it wrong. Some
Page 165 and 166:
our proudest moments of him. When h
Page 167 and 168:
26 I Attend the White House Corresp
Page 169 and 170:
"Oh, really? What?" "Every day, Han
Page 171 and 172:
in listen ing to him sing. About fi
Page 173 and 174:
Don Evans. Evans is among Bush's cl
Page 175 and 176:
couldn't make any sense of it eithe
Page 177 and 178:
to the Pentagon, a trip he had take
Page 179 and 180:
28 Bush Can't Lose with Clinton's M
Page 181 and 182:
The commanders then send the target
Page 183 and 184:
If called on by the commander in ch
Page 185 and 186:
This is me in Vietnam. Sorry the fo
Page 187 and 188:
Van Cong River. Mekong Delta, South
Page 189 and 190:
As Gore watched helplessly, it almo
Page 191 and 192:
"That doesn't make sense," Gore sai
Page 193 and 194:
"Regular? Eight dumps a day ain't r
Page 195 and 196:
"Yes ... sir," said Ashcroft, snapp
Page 197 and 198:
"Dirty story'll do." "You want guy-
Page 199 and 200:
"Let's get the fuck outta here." "S
Page 201 and 202:
"Noooooo!!!!" Bush poured the nitro
Page 203 and 204:
"Help! Help me!" Kerry recognized L
Page 205 and 206:
the American Enterprise Institute,
Page 207 and 208:
Don't get me wrong. Republicans are
Page 209 and 210:
You choose the one with the bad for
Page 211 and 212:
31 I’m a Bad Liar I never lie. Th
Page 213 and 214:
So the next day, I had Liz call and
Page 215 and 216:
Seeing as how we did spend the time
Page 217 and 218:
"Well, Doug, I'm not a scientist. B
Page 219 and 220:
Andrew understood. "So it's like an
Page 221 and 222:
"No. We don't allow it in the dorms
Page 223 and 224:
ness and his willingness to call us
Page 225 and 226:
Of course, I nodded. Made perfect s
Page 227 and 228:
or "moderate" influence in forty-fo
Page 229 and 230:
33 Abstinence Heroes President Bush
Page 231 and 232:
In these days o£ rampant immoralit
Page 233 and 234:
26 "By Far the Vast Majority of My
Page 235 and 236:
taxes than in income taxes, so this
Page 237 and 238:
It got a laugh in Iowa. And a laugh
Page 239 and 240:
longest period of economic growth i
Page 241 and 242:
e hard to do. It is, however, easy
Page 243 and 244:
person who is still alive. The livi
Page 245 and 246:
You know who I think the real lucky
Page 247 and 248:
ALLISON: No pie for me. I'm on a di
Page 249 and 250:
ALLISON: But, you know, Donna, I'd
Page 251:
ALLISON: Are you kidding? If she ca
Page 254 and 255:
ME: Sure. RICH: Do you fight a lot?
Page 256 and 257:
39 Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces: The B
Page 258 and 259:
ing the Clean Water Act's rules to
Page 260 and 261:
In 1995, a spill from one of these
Page 262 and 263:
40 I Meet Former First Lady Barbara
Page 264 and 265:
After we landed and were getting ou
Page 266 and 267:
It's because I think he is his moth
Page 268 and 269:
espiratory failure, and more worrie
Page 270 and 271:
Perhaps so many Americans believe t
Page 272 and 273:
But to be fair to Bush, there's mor
Page 274 and 275:
a. There are seventy-two million ch
Page 276 and 277:
It is a great racket. And not just
Page 278 and 279:
MEET TEAMFRANKEN The fourteen membe
Page 280 and 281:
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This is my fifth bo
Page 282 and 283:
my old classmate from college forme
show all

Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?