Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

"No, not now. At the rendezvous. Click the handset three times at the rendezvous. At
twenty-three thirty. That's eleventhirty at night. Sea Lord, over and out."
As dusk fell, wisps of mist began to rise from the slack brown water of the canal. At the
helm, Kerry steered a middle course between the heavily jungled banks. In the fading light,
Gore noticed that Kerry's mood seemed to darken as well.
"Sometimes I wonder if this war was such a good idea."
"What do you mean?" asked Gore guardedly. He had heard this kind of talk before,
back at Harvard. Specifically, in a folksinging workshop taught by Pete Seeger, class of '42.
"I keep reading in Captain Ailes's column that victory is just around the corner. But
for those of us in country, it just doesn't seem that way."
"I don't know, Lieutenant. If you imagine Asia as a row of dominoes, we've lost
China, we've lost North Korea. If Vietnam falls, then Cambodia could be next, followed by
Thailand, then Burma, Ceylon, India, Pakistan. Then.. ."
As Gore continued to list countries, Kerry's mind wandered. "I just wonder why we've
lost the hearts and minds of the Vietnamese people."
"Give it back!" Thomas's squeal broke their reverie. "Give me back my magazine!
Kerry and Gore jumped topsides and saw Ashcroft holding a cheaply printed magazine
featuring teenage Vietnamese prostitutes putting hard-boiled eggs in their vaginas.
"Filth!" roared Ashcroft. "Blasphemous filth!" He hurled the magazine into the swirling waters.
"Motherfucker!" shouted Thomas, preparing to dive after the egg magazine. But before
he could, Kerry grabbed his arm in an iron grip.
"What's going on here?" the lieutenant asked as he hurled Thomas onto the deck.
"Let me explain, Big Guy," Bush said as he crumpled a beer can against his forehead.
"Jesus Freak here's been gettin' on Bill Cosby 'bout his choice of reading matter."
"Skipper," said Ashcroft indignantly, "article eighteen, section twelve of the Uniform
Code of Military justice specifically forbids active duty personnel from possessing pornography.
I plan to file a full report with your superiors when we get back."
"That's your prerogative, sailor. But until then, I'm ordering you to respect other people's
right to privacy." Kerry and Ashcroft stared at each other. "Do you get me, Ashcroft?"