Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

"Let's get the fuck outta here."
"Shut up, O'Reilly," Kerry shot back. "We're going to complete the mission."
"They're not coming! They're dead. Charlie got 'em. And Charlie's gonna get us, too!"
Thomas wailed.
Kerry slapped him. "Thomas, get a grip on yourself."
Bush stepped forward. "I have a suggestion. Why don't we take a vote? All those in
favor of leaving immediately, raise your hands."
Four arms shot up, while Cheney waved weakly to indicate his support as well. Only
Kerry and Gore stood steadfast.
"Okay," said Bush. "Five to two. Let's get goin'."
"We're not going anywhere. Till I say so." Kerry was in Bush's face. After a moment,
Bush backed down.
"Sure, Big Guy, you're the boss." Bush grinned. The reporter in Gore thought he noticed
a hint of menace in Bush's voice.
Kerry nodded. "You're goddamn right I am. Now, get yourselves squared away and
back to your posts."
As the men resumed their watch, Bush passed around the weaky-wakeys and handed
Cheney another nitro pill, just in case.
"Skipper's gonna get us killed," O'Reilly whispered to Ashcroft.
But Ashcroft was staring intently into the jungle. "Ssssshhh. Did you hear that?"
Barely a hundred yards away, Ted Williams was leading Stoner directly toward the waiting
boat. Suddenly, Stoner stopped in his tracks as the Red Sox slugger vanished and abruptly
turned into Bertrand Russell, the distinguished British philosopher. Stoner screamed.
Later, it seemed to Ashcroft that he had squeezed the trigger even before the scream had begun.
And that he had fired off the full clip before it had ended. The night erupted as the other
men joined in a frenzy of lead and gunpowder. The foliage along the starboard side was
shredded by the onslaught.
"Cease fire! Cease fire! Dammit!" Kerry shouted in vain over the furious barrage.