Franken-Lies-And-the-Lying-Liars-Who-Tell

Those who came down on the civil liberties side had to watch what they said. As
Ashcroft told the Senate Judiciary Committee on December 6, 2001, "To those who scare
peace-loving people with phantoms of lost liberty, my message is this: Your tactics only aid
terrorists—for they erode our national unity and diminish our resolve. They give ammunition
to America's enemies." This wasn't a nutcase like Ann Coulter shouting, "Treason!" This was
the attorney general of the United States.
Who is also something of a nutcase.
In his book Lessons from a Father to His Son, Ashcroft explains that he anointed
himself with oil before being sworn in for each of his two terms as Missouri's governor, in
the tradition of the ancient kings of Israel, David and Saul, [who] were anointed as they undertook
their administrative duties." Ashcroft also anointed himself before being sworn in as
senator with-swear to Gad-a bowl of Crisco, a trick that used to be popular in gay bathhouses.
Then there was the thing with the statue. The attorney general gives his press conferences
from the Great Hall of the Department of Justice Headquarters. Behind the podium,
visible over the AG's right shoulder, stands a statue of a woman that represents the Spirit of
Justice. The eighteen-foot aluminum statue has her arms raised and a toga draped over her
body, leaving her left breast exposed. So, according to ABC News, Ashcroft ordered the
Spirit of Justice's tit draped at a cost of $8,000. He didn't like being photographed in front of
another boob.
What does that mean? What is it like for John Ashcroft when he takes a trip to Rome?
Does he walk around with an erection all the time?
And $8,000? I have a better idea for what to do with that money. USE IT TO FIGHT
TERRORISM!!! Buy the FBI a new computer! Remember how, during the Senate-House
Intelligence Committee hearings on the FBI, agents testified that the Bureau's computers
could not do the equivalent of a Google search? Because of a security measure known as
"stovepiping," they cannot search for two words at a time.
They can't search for "al Qaeda." To search for al Qaeda, they first have to go through
every "Al." They go through me, they go through Al Gore, they have to read every Weird Al
Yankovich lyric.
By contrast, someone searching with Google can go straight to the al Qaeda home
page, with its valuable searchable member database.