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Blow Up. Îmi place la nebunie cum fline tipul camera foto în mînæ øi pantalonii æia albi, strînøipe corp. De multe ori, m-am îmbræcat la fel. Ce senzaflie! Îmi amintesc de liceu øi de teribilismeleacelei perioade. Cred cæ este filmul care m-a influenflat cel mai mult în privinfla esteticiivestimentare.Sînt minus 7 grade afaræ øi este un soare tæios. Este o plæcere sæ te plimbi pe afaræ, deøi estefrig. Acum este clar cæ, peste puflin timp, vine primævara øi am sæ reînviu. Poøtaøul a adus unmaldær de reclame. Lunea vin cele mai multe reclame. Iona are vacanflæ astæzi øi va sta acasætoatæ sæptæmîna. Acum se joacæ afaræ cu un prieten.N-am lucrat aproape nimic în ultimele patru zile. Iancu este ræcit øi nu l-am dus la grædiniflæ. Afost foarte cuminte, dar totuøi n-am putut sæ lucrez nimic. Acum este în sufragerie, se uitæ latelevizor la Albæ-ca-Zæpada. A intrat în perioada „Albæ-ca-Zæpada“. Cînd vine Kuki de la atelier,trebuie sæ cumpær mîncare. Frigiderul este gol. Cel mai stresat este Iona. Cînd observæ cæfrigiderul a început sæ se goleascæ, ne dæ primul semnal øi, dupæ aia, urmeazæ alte semnale, cuo anumitæ intensitate. Cel mai grav este cînd nu mai este lapte. Iona se simte în siguranflæ atîtatimp cît frigiderul este umplut ochi. Bænuiesc cæ aøa înflelege el cæ noi nu avem probleme øi cætotul este în ordine – mama øi tata sînt OK. Cred cæ asta o are de la mine. Atît timp cît contuldin bancæ este plin, sînt liniøtit. Iar cum ajunge la zero, cum mæ apucæ depresiile, nervii, devinbrusc stresat. Din fericire, Kuki nu este ca noi. Ea dæ echilibrul în casæ.Este ora 16.48 øi Iancu mai doarme. A dormit cam douæ ore øi jumætate. De dimineaflæ ne-amjucat în sufragerie. Am construit turnuri, pe care Iancu le-a dærîmat. Îi place sæ se uite pe cærfliøi sæ vorbeøti cu el. Vorbeøte enorm. Pune cele mai imposibile întrebæri. De exemplu, „de ceîi plac lui Spiderman culorile roøu, albastru øi alb“. Iancu spune la albastru balbastru.Încæ nu mi-am cumpærat telecomandæ øi nu pot sæ væd anumite filme. Astæzi vreau sæ trimit prininternet ordinul de cumpærare. S-au strîns mai multe lucruri de care am nevoie øi am sæ le comandpe toate.A murit Laura Stoica într-un accident rutier pe DN 2. Acum mi-a spus Simona. Era gravidæ înluna a treia. Se afla împreunæ cu logodnicul ei, se întorceau la Bucureøti de la un spectacol. Aintrat o Dacie-papuc în ei. fiin minte doar Un actor græbit. Nu mi-a plæcut niciodatæ ce cînta.Mereu îmi bæteam joc de ea cînd o vedeam la televizor, îi spuneam „Laura Gaura“. Mæ gîndescla terciul æla de carne øi metal. Sînt dærîmat.Iar a sunat telefonul. De data asta, era o ofertæ de chilofli. Le-am spus cæ nu sînt interesat. Æøtiacu chiloflii sunæ cam o datæ la douæ, trei luni. Îmi spun cæ am cîøtigat un concurs øi cæ îmi trimittrei perechi de chilofli gratis. Mereu le ræspund cæ nu sînt interesat. Nu cæ n-aø avea nevoie dechilofli, dar mæ enerveazæ ideea. N-am cîøtigat niciodatæ în viafla mea vreun premiu, n-am primitnici la øcoalæ premiu øi, zæu, ar fi trist ca unicul meu premiu sæ fie trei perechi de chilofli.Vinerea trecutæ a fost o zi plinæ. N-am prea avut de mult o zi ca asta. La ora 13.00 am fost laun interviu pentru o slujbæ. Trebuie sæ fac un site, o „bancæ“ de informaflii culturale, ce va cuprindetoate resursele artistice ale acelei zone. Îmi place ideea, dar îmi dau seama cæ este vorba deo muncæ enormæ. Interviul a mers bine. Practic, m-am dus acolo pentru o muncæ de webdesigner,dar din discuflii m-au întrebat dacæ nu m-ar interesa sæ conduc un proiect, pentru cælor li se pare mai potrivitæ pentru mine aceastæ muncæ. Cred cæ, per ansamblu, am fæcut o impresiebunæ. Erau douæ tipe trecute de 45 øi un tip cam de 30. Erau simpatici øi pæreau interesaflide ce le spuneam. Am plecat de acolo cu senzaflia cæ munca este a mea. Oricum, nu vreausæ mæ gîndesc prea mult la asta.La ora 19.00, am fost cu Kuki sæ vedem un apartament cu patru camere, undeva în apropiere.Planul nostru este sæ ne mutæm într-un apartament cu patru camere øi sæ transformæm unuldin dormitoare în atelier. Nu ne-a plæcut deloc apartamentul respectiv. Era foarte înghesuit øicam deprimant.Seara, la ora 21.00, a venit Julio de la Madrid. Va sta la noi cinci zile. Lucræm împreunæ la unproiect.Proiectul este aproape gata. Am lucrat în fiecare zi la el øi fundaflia e pusæ. Simt cæ este solid øiîmi place mult. A ræmas sæ-l mai aranjæm, sæ-l „pieptænæm“.A sunat un tip de la penitenciarul din Norrtälje, un oraø din nordul Stockholmului, sæ mæ întrebedacæ vreau sæ lucrez la ei ca profesor de picturæ øi desen. Am cerut mai demult slujba asta, pentrucæ mi se pærea interesantæ, dar acum sînt speriat. Nu este chiar aøa de plæcut sæ lucrezi cucriminali, pedofili, violatori ø.a.m.d. Trebuie sæ fii tare pentru o asemenea muncæ. Nu øtiu cesæ fac.buy me...” It was hard for me to leave just with a hair clipper. I felt like buying thingsthat are worth tens of thousands or crowns.The telephone rang and they asked me if I wanted to subscribe for a paper, DagensNyheter. I said no.I have to cook. Iona should be back from school and there’s nothing to eat. Iancu issleeping in his room. He hasn’t been to the kindergarten for three days. He had thefever and he coughs. Today, when he sneezed, blood came out of his nose. He’s nottoo hungry. I squeezed 4 oranges for him and he had two toasts with honey. I don’tknow what to cook. Oh, I almost forgot. I took out some pastry this morning, for bakingan apple pie.Iona called and told me he was at Bauan. I told him to come at 5.In the last days I downloaded a lot of music and films from the internet. I was fed upwith everything I had in the house and I made a new “capture”. This time I downloadedespecially classical music, Mozart & comp. I also downloaded some Cassavettesand Antonioni; I was in the mood for Blow Up. I love the way that guy holds the cameraand those white, stretchy pants. I dressed like that a lot of times. What a feeling!I remember high-school and the excesses of that time. I think this movie had thegreatest influence on the way I dress.There are seven degrees below zero outside and a intense sun. Although it’s cold, it’sa pleasure to walk outside. It is obvious now that, not after long, the spring will comeand I will revive. The mailman brought a pile of advertisements. Most advertisementsarrive on Monday. For Iona, today is a holiday and he is going to stay at home for theentire week. Now he’s playing outside with a friend.I haven’t worked almost at all for the last four days. Iancu has a cold and I didn’t takehim to the kindergarten. He was very quiet, but I couldn’t work anyway. He’s in the living-roomnow, watching Snow-White on TV. He is in the Snow-White phase. When Kukireturns from the studio, I have to buy some food. The refrigerator is empty. Iona ismost nervous about it. When he sees that the refrigerator starts to empty, he gives usthe first signal; others are following, more intense. The worst is when there is no milk.Iona feels safe as long as the refrigerator is stuffed. I guess that’s the way he understandsthat there are no problems and that everything is all right – mother and fatherare O.K. I think that he inherited it from me. As long as the banking account is full, I’mcalm. But when it goes to zero, I feel depressed, nervous, stressed. Fortunately, Kuki isnot like us. She gives our home a sense of equilibrium.It’s 16.48 and Iancu is still asleep. He’s been sleeping for two and a half hours.This morning we played in the kitchen. We built towers, which Iancu broke down.He likes to look on the books and to be talked to. He speaks enormously. He asks themost impossible questions. For example, “why does Spiderman love red, blue andwhite”. Iancu calls albastru [blue] balbastru.I still haven’t bought a remote control and I can’t watch certain movies. I want toorder it on the internet. There are more things that I have to buy now and I’m goingto order them all.Laura Stoica died in a car crash on DN 2. Simona just told me that. She was threemonths pregnant. She was with her fiancé, returning to Bucharest from a show.A Dacia truck ran into them. I only remember Un actor græbit [A hurried actor].I never liked what she played. I always made fun of her when she was on TV, I calledher Laura Gaura. I keep thinking about that mess of flesh and metal. I’m devastated.The telephone rang again. This time, an underpants offer. I told them I was not interested.The underpants guys call every two or three months. They tell me I won a contestand that they are sending me three pairs of underpants for free. I always tell themI am not interested. It’s not that I don’t need the underpants, but it’s annoying. I’venever won any prize in my life; I didn’t get any prize in school and it would really bea shame for my first prize to consist of three pairs of underpants.Last Friday was a full day. I haven’t had a day like that for a long time. At 1 P.M.I went to a job interview. I have to make a site, a cultural in<strong>format</strong>ion “bank”, with all46

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