The Book of Tells (Peter Collett)[unlocked]

THE BOOK OF TELLS
• SIMPLIFYING. Strategies that combine different types of
ingratiation are much more obvious than those that
consist of just one kind. That's why the most effective
forms of ingratiation are those that consist of a single
type.
• CAMOUFLAGING. To work properly, ingratiation needs
to be conducted in the right context and it should be
consistent with the relationship that the ingratiator has
with the target. No suspicion is raised, for example, when
a junior member of the board compliments the CEO on
his speech to the investors. However, when the same
person makes a flattering remark about the CEO's new
hairstyle it's likely to set alarm bells ringing. The CEO's
secretary, on the other hand, could comfortably
comment on his new hairstyle because it's part of her role
to make sure that he looks smart.
• SELECTING. Research shows that people who have high
self-esteem like to be flattered, but that those with low
self-esteem don't. It also shows that people regard
compliments that are consistent with how they see themselves
as being genuine, and those that are at odds with
how they see themselves as being phoney. 26 For example,
a chess master who considers himself to be brilliant but
unattractive would regard a compliment about his
intelligence to be genuine, but a compliment about his
looks to be false. To be successful, an ingratiator needs to
know not only who to flatter, but what to flatter them
about.
• COVERING. We are much more likely to take a
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