The Book of Tells (Peter Collett)[unlocked]

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THE BOOK OF TELLS several minutes, a tongue flick usually lasts no longer than a second - the tongue simply darts out of the mouth and then flicks back again. While the tongue show is associated with mental concentration and with inaccessibility, the tongue flick is a tell of embarrassment. When someone is being teased or they feel that they've been caught out, it's not uncommon to see them flick out their tongue, sometimes while they're smiling. It's quite possible that this brief exposure of the tongue is also designed to keep other people at arm's length. Grooming Tells In the world of apes and monkeys individuals who occupy similar positions in the social hierarchy normally take turns to groom each other by removing insects, lice and dead skin from each other's hair. This type of grooming is reciprocal: it's an expression of friendship and solidarity between equals. As such, it's quite different from what takes place when a subordinate individual grooms a dominant individual. In this situation the grooming is about the ratification of power. That's why it's all one-way, directed from the subordinate towards the superior, never the other way round. When we compare this with human touching, we find that it's the same between friends, but quite different between people of unequal status. Friends, for example, frequently reassure and show their affection by touching each other. However, where power differences are concerned, human patterns of touch are the opposite way round to what they are with apes and monkeys - because 98
SUBMISSIVE TELLS while dominant people reserve the right to touch their subordinates, subordinates need to ensure that they don't touch their superiors. With humans, therefore, status grooming has largely been shifted to speech - when we want to curry favour with our boss, we resort to 'grooming talk'. In other words, instead of using our hands to stroke his body, we use our words to stroke his ego. Grooming talk is designed to help people appear likeable and unthreatening to others. The desire to be liked by other people is very deep-seated - in fact it's essential to a social species like ours - and it's especially important when the people we're hoping to impress happen to be more powerful than us. There are two basic strategies that individuals can use in this kind of situation. The first is 'self-deprecation' - saying negative things about oneself - and the second is 'other-promotion' - saying positive things about someone else. Self-deprecation can be achieved by minimizing one's own achievements, concealing one's talents, or by denying any responsibility for one's achievements or those of other people. Submissive people often use these techniques when they're talking to dominant individuals. This makes them appear unthreatening and it makes the dominant person feel more self-important. Powerful people sometimes use self-deprecation strategies with their subordinates, but their intention then is usually to invite contradiction. When the boss turns to one of his subordinates, after he's made a presentation to a client, and says, 'You know, I don't think I did very well', the boss isn't asking his subordinate to agree with him, he's laying a 'flattery trap' by discreetly inviting the subordinate to say something complimentary like, 'That's not 99
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AS SEEN ON TV Fell is an action tha
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Also by Peter Collett Foreign Bodie
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THE BOOK OF TELLS A BANTAM BOOK: 0
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Contents Acknowledgements 1 Tells 2
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Spiecker, Martine Stewart, Michael
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THE BOOK OF TELLS purpose other tha
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THE BOOK OF TELLS lay false trails.
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THE BOOK OF TELLS recognize as tell
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THE BOOK OF TELLS often identify th
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THE BOOK OF TELLS look out for micr
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Similarly, when w
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Counterfeit tells
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THE BOOK OF TELLS sign of helplessn
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THE BOOK OF TELLS reasonably assume
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THE BOOK OF TELLS pre-emptive prope
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THE BOOK OF TELLS own actions - it'
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THE BOOK OF TELLS don't even know t
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2. Dominant Tells When we meet peop
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THE BOOK OF TELLS of the need to 'r
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THE BOOK OF TELLS about how importa
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THE BOOK OF TELLS stance than women
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THE BOOK OF TELLS the 'crotch-yank'
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Because they conv
Page 48 and 49: THE BOOK OF TELLS one where the int
Page 50 and 51: THE BOOK OF TELLS Superficially all
Page 52 and 53: THE BOOK OF TELLS much more likely
Page 54 and 55: THE BOOK OF TELLS how the eyes are
Page 56 and 57: THE BOOK OF TELLS an air of perpetu
Page 58 and 59: THE BOOK OF TELLS Yawning Tells Eve
Page 60 and 61: THE BOOK OF TELLS adult males than
Page 62 and 63: THE BOOK OF TELLS speech style so a
Page 64 and 65: THE BOOK OF TELLS attempting to be
Page 66 and 67: THE BOOK OF TELLS Looking round the
Page 68 and 69: THE BOOK OF TELLS talkative and inf
Page 70 and 71: THE BOOK OF TELLS things that appea
Page 72 and 73: THE BOOK OF TELLS elongated and the
Page 74 and 75: THE BOOK OF TELLS appeasement. Cons
Page 76 and 77: THE BOOK OF TELLS reduces the threa
Page 78 and 79: THE BOOK OF TELLS substitution tell
Page 80 and 81: THE BOOK OF TELLS Head Tells Charle
Page 82 and 83: THE BOOK OF TELLS to identify how t
Page 84 and 85: THE BOOK OF TELLS to find ways of l
Page 86 and 87: THE BOOK OF TELLS lifting the visor
Page 88 and 89: THE BOOK OF TELLS completed what he
Page 90 and 91: THE BOOK OF TELLS point out that wh
Page 92 and 93: THE BOOK OF TELLS the resulting exp
Page 94 and 95: THE BOOK OF TELLS opinions about bl
Page 96 and 97: THE BOOK OF TELLS unexpected and un
Page 100 and 101: THE BOOK OF TELLS true, boss, you w
Page 102 and 103: THE BOOK OF TELLS • SIMPLIFYING.
Page 104 and 105: 4. Conversation Tells The most obvi
Page 106 and 107: THE BOOK OF TELLS As we saw in the
Page 108 and 109: THE BOOK OF TELLS you started talki
Page 110 and 111: THE BOOK OF TELLS talk. Interrupter
Page 112 and 113: THE BOOK OF TELLS to eliminate the
Page 114 and 115: THE BOOK OF TELLS a way that minimi
Page 116 and 117: THE BOOK OF TELLS the speaker does
Page 118 and 119: THE BOOK OF TELLS 'place-dropping'
Page 120 and 121: THE BOOK OF TELLS Before you've had
Page 122 and 123: THE BOOK OF TELLS used to show that
Page 124 and 125: THE BOOK OF TELLS THE STRADDLE STAN
Page 126 and 127: THE BOOK OF TELLS movement to depar
Page 128 and 129: THE BOOK OF TELLS when you consider
Page 130 and 131: THE BOOK OF TELLS Hair Tells One of
Page 132 and 133: THE BOOK OF TELLS up the stairs so
Page 134 and 135: THE BOOK OF TELLS people's behaviou
Page 136 and 137: THE BOOK OF TELLS also come from th
Page 138 and 139: THE BOOK OF TELLS distinguishes the
Page 140 and 141: THE BOOK OF TELLS necessarily sound
Page 142 and 143: THE BOOK OF TELLS reflects the temp
Page 144 and 145: THE BOOK OF TELLS Adulation Tells A
Page 146 and 147: THE BOOK OF TELLS The Adoring Wife
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Iconic Hand Gestu
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THE BOOK OF TELLS of tearing into o
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THE BOOK OF TELLS people, insults a
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Insults are the E
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THE BOOK OF TELLS deciding in advan
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THE BOOK OF TELLS - it's far better
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Political intervi
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THE BOOK OF TELLS 'negative back-ch
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Transition Tells
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THE BOOK OF TELLS convey messages o
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THE BOOK OF TELLS include, who cont
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THE BOOK OF TELLS other person for
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THE BOOK OF TELLS hand is below, in
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THE BOOK OF TELLS talking and smili
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THE BOOK OF TELLS friendly. Kennedy
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THE BOOK OF TELLS trying to figure
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THE BOOK OF TELLS arm round the oth
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THE BOOK OF TELLS woman he knows an
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THE BOOK OF TELLS kisses were not t
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THE BOOK OF TELLS • VOCALIZED KIS
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Another strategy
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THE BOOK OF TELLS woman realizes th
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THE BOOK OF TELLS not because they
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THE BOOK OF TELLS competing with ea
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7. Royal Tells On a state visit to
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Elizabeth, the Qu
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THE BOOK OF TELLS idea that laughte
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Queen usually ado
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THE BOOK OF TELLS • THE HANDBAG.
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THE BOOK OF TELLS superiors. Touch,
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THE BOOK OF TELLS to shake hands, a
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THE BOOK OF TELLS than any other wa
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THE BOOK OF TELLS cuff. This is Cha
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THE BOOK OF TELLS talking to people
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THE BOOK OF TELLS - someone who was
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THE BOOK OF TELLS action occurs whe
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THE BOOK OF TELLS have high levels
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THE BOOK OF TELLS People can detect
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THE BOOK OF TELLS anxious and despo
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THE BOOK OF TELLS his keys it shows
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THE BOOK OF TELLS activities' which
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THE BOOK OF TELLS By covering their
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THE BOOK OF TELLS ANXIETY TELLS 232
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ANXIETY TELLS suddenly, to last lon
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ANXIETY TELLS the amount of time th
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ANXIETY TELLS being noticed, but be
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ANXIETY TELLS linguists call 'funda
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ANXIETY TELLS as to their desire to
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SEXUAL TELLS 'primary sexual charac
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SEXUAL TELLS between courtship sign
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SEXUAL TELLS animated, while the ma
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SEXUAL TELLS • SCANNING. People m
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SEXUAL TELLS are in the middle of t
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SEXUAL TELLS attractive man she can
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SEXUAL TELLS Flirting Tells Flirtin
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SEXUAL TELLS Leg Tells Women also t
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SEXUAL TELLS The last time I saw th
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SEXUAL TELLS the way that young peo
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SEXUAL TELLS been recognized. Writi
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SEXUAL TELLS the sixteenth century,
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SEXUAL TELLS Touching Tells Courtsh
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SEXUAL TELLS watch Hugh Grant on sc
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SEXUAL TELLS voice is big and muscu
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SEXUAL TELLS were keen to get toget
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SEXUAL TELLS have shown that people
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SEXUAL TELLS In contrast to the sig
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SEXUAL TELLS don't have the resourc
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SEXUAL TELLS mean anything. The oth
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LYING TELLS when they're given a pr
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LYING TELLS in their ability to det
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LYING TELLS • MULTIPLE CAUSES. Pe
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LYING TELLS speed up. In this kind
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LYING TELLS There is, however, a su
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LYING TELLS The Mouth-cover is an i
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LYING TELLS Smiling Tells Of all th
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LYING TELLS Micro-tells When people
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LYING TELLS the eyes bulging and th
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LYING TELLS SMOKESCREENS. Liars oft
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LYING TELLS work involved in produc
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11. Foreign Tells When people speak
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FOREIGN TELLS Action Tells Shibbole
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FOREIGN TELLS with a very light gri
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FOREIGN TELLS around. If he's serio
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FOREIGN TELLS side of the mouth are
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FOREIGN TELLS always talking, wheth
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FOREIGN TELLS Conversation Tells. I
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FOREIGN TELLS distance, simply by o
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FOREIGN TELLS expansive movements,
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FOREIGN TELLS 'Take two!' or 'Go ha
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FOREIGN TELLS more gesturally expre
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SMOKING TELLS us a great deal about
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SMOKING TELLS differ - most notably
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SMOKING TELLS The 'straight-leg hol
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SMOKING TELLS Gender is displayed i
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SMOKING TELLS There are several rea
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SMOKING TELLS smoke around her face
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SMOKING TELLS waving his cigarette
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SMOKING TELLS cigarette and being w
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SMOKING TELLS smoking simply provid
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13. Tell-tales You're going to work
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TELL-TALES present man behind in hi
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TELL-TALES host greeted you effusiv
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TELL-TALES allowing them instead to
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TELL-TALES chapters have shown that
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Notes 1. Tells 1 Caro, M. (1994) Th
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NOTES 5 Tremblay, R. E., Schaal, B.
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NOTES 27 Henley, N. (2001) 'Body po
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NOTES Human Facial Expression, edit
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NOTES 9 Duncan, S. (1972) 'Some sig
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NOTES 12 Schegloff, E. A. (1989) 'F
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NOTES Instrumentation, 1, 203-7; Be
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NOTES female attractiveness and des
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NOTES Therapy, 15(4), 271-82. 28 Pe
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NOTES salespersons and customers be
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NOTES 8 Zeldin, T. (1988) The Frenc
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NOTES effects of cigarette smoking
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Atkinson, Max, Ou
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THE BOOK OF TELLS compatibility 276
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THE BOOK OF TELLS flattery 99-103 f
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THE BOOK OF TELLS Hitler, Adolf 26,
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THE BOOK OF TELLS men sexual signal
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THE BOOK OF TELLS relaxation 46, 69
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THE BOOK OF TELLS thighs, pressed t
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