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Translating Nouzha Fassi Fihri's La Baroudeuse: A Case Study in ...

Translating Nouzha Fassi Fihri's La Baroudeuse: A Case Study in ...

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nonexistence? The suicide of dreams, the end of all hope, the drown<strong>in</strong>g death of<br />

the future and the past? I knew if you didn't come soon, it would be useless for<br />

you to come later.<br />

"I waited so long, my love. I nurtured the memory of you as though it<br />

were a child born of my body. I made a f<strong>in</strong>e poem of it to nourish my dreams, a<br />

song to brighten my thoughts. I built a shr<strong>in</strong>e for you <strong>in</strong> my heart and let my life<br />

burn down there, like a solitary candle.<br />

"I fought to prevent anyone from violat<strong>in</strong>g this sanctuary. Not even this<br />

man I lived with day after day and slept with every night. But <strong>in</strong> my struggle to<br />

preserve us, I did not notice time pass<strong>in</strong>g. Unaware, I became this wreck washed<br />

up on the shores of the world. I preserved my soul but not my body that obeyed<br />

nature's law of obsolescence.<br />

"'She still has a young spirit,' they say. 'She's young at heart . . . '<br />

Nonsense. When your wr<strong>in</strong>kles precede you <strong>in</strong> a grotesque dance, when your legs<br />

tremble with every step and you cl<strong>in</strong>g to the ever-expand<strong>in</strong>g empt<strong>in</strong>ess around<br />

you, when your voice cracks and you spit out your teeth one by one, your so-<br />

called youth is noth<strong>in</strong>g but an illusion, a shameless masquerade.<br />

"My God, I'm ashamed of myself. What do I have to offer you, my poor<br />

beloved? My decrepitude and cynicism? Men, time, and fate have jo<strong>in</strong>ed forces<br />

aga<strong>in</strong>st me and they have won, <strong>in</strong> spite of my fierce determ<strong>in</strong>ation. What more<br />

could I have done to stay whole for you? What can a person do aga<strong>in</strong>st the<br />

termites of decay, except record the signs of <strong>in</strong>telligence and memory before<br />

los<strong>in</strong>g them. These distorted hands are still marked by your burn<strong>in</strong>g kisses. This<br />

sk<strong>in</strong> tattooed by your kisses is shriveled. My eyes are drowned <strong>in</strong> wr<strong>in</strong>kles. My<br />

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