Translating Nouzha Fassi Fihri's La Baroudeuse: A Case Study in ...

14 o: Les persiennes laissaient deviner une obscurité à peine plus nuancée
que celle de la chambre. (7)
14 i: Through the shutters, she could see a grayness that was dimly lighter
than the darkness of the room.
14 f: Through the shutters, she could see the sky was only a little lighter
than the darkness of the room.
The initial version more closely replicates the original structure and suggestion of
paradox, but the final version gains in clarity of meaning, as in example 15.
15 o: Parfois aussi, d'une langue volubile, elles débitaient des discours
incohérents qui traduisaient leur démence, faite de souvenirs intacts et de
leur présente décrépitude. (45-46)
15 i: Sometimes, in a great flow of words, they made long, incoherent
speeches which translated their madness, composed of intact memories
and present decrepitude.
15 f: Sometimes, in long incoherent speeches, they voiced their madness
composed of intact memories and present decrepitude.
Though the initial version closely reproduces the structure of the original, one
reader commented that "translate madness" sounds odd. In view of this comment,
in the final version, the verb is changed to “vocalized.” The final version loses the
metaphoric effect of the original, but presents a more logical sentence structure
and congruent image.
Sentence structure and word choice revisions often resulted from
adaptations to stylistic norms for narrative prose as illustrated in examples 16, 17,
and 18.
16 o: Le lendemain, de très bonne heure, Kenza descendit de sa chambre
en évitant de faire du bruit pour ne pas réveiller son personnel. Non pas
qu'elle ait eu quoi que ce soit à cacher mais elle n'aurait pas voulu que la
poésie matinale fusse déparée par la présence des domestiques. (25)
16 i: Very early the next day, Kenza came down from her bedroom,
making as little noise as possible so as not to awaken the servants. She
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