Translating Nouzha Fassi Fihri's La Baroudeuse: A Case Study in ...

with suddenly dies, you get caught in spite of yourself in the dizziness of
existence . . .
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She felt agitated, started to get up, changed her mind, and sat back down.
She reached into her pocket to get her snuffbox, then decided not to. Her chin
trembled, but she mastered her emotions, and looking directly at her cousin she
said, "The truth is, this death, such a death, took me by surprise. I feel guilty about
being so unfair to Sharif. Too much misguided vanity. I loved myself too much to
love others. The ego is monstrous and selfish. It pulls everything back to itself. It
swallows the universe and changes the history of men. Man's only purpose has
been to tame the world for his own despotic, egotistical purposes. This ego allows
others to exist only to help realize itself. The super ego, what a joke!"
She fell silent, and then began again with less force. "He did not speak,
and I could not hear his inner voice. Your love clouded my horizon. I was like the
Arab Bedouins of old, walking on shifting sands, armed with the eloquence of
racial memory, effortlessly reciting passionate poems singing the virtues of their
men. And you were my only man, my only knowledge in my atavistic ignorance.
"They had the advantage of education!"
"My dear, your intelligence is beyond compare, and your cultural
refinement is vast."
"My illiteracy is an alienation. I gleaned knowledge by intruding on other
peoples' conversations."
"Your pride makes you stronger than many educated men."