Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

5. Nonviolent communication5.1 An introduction to nonviolent communicationAssuming that the world is as violent as we have made it, we should also be able tochange it back into a more peaceful world. This idea implies that changing the worldmust start with ‘me’, that we human beings can and must begin with changing ourindividual violent thinking, our negative attitudes and our harmful language — ourmethods of communication. Applying nonviolence in this light means allowing thepositive in everyone to emerge.Nonviolent Communication is an effective method to achieve this. It is a toolto get to the roots of pain and violence, it is a way to improve understanding andthereby reduce violence. Its founder, Marshall Rosenberg, says that nonviolent communicationis more than a process of communication. He describes nonviolent communicationwith terms such as a “language of compassion” or a “giraffe language”, acommunication approach that refers to our natural state of compassion — for us,others and the world at large — when violence has subsided from the heart. Therefore,giving from the heart is at the centre of nonviolent communication, it is theheart of nonviolent communication.“Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a way of interacting that facilitates theflow of communication needed to exchange information and resolve differencespeacefully. It focuses on shared human values and needs, encourages the use of languagethat increases goodwill and helps to avoid a language that contributes toresentment or lowered self‐esteem 18 .”Assuming that we humans desire to maintain or improve the quality of ourlives and the quality of our relationships, nvc helps to focus on what really motivatesus to act. Nvc emphasizes taking personal responsibility for one’s choices in life. Thisis a life‐long learning process as we have learned and are therefore used to acting outof fear, punishment or guilt and we behave to avoid feeling guilty or receiving blameor shame instead of acting out of giving from the heart. The objective of nvc is not tochange people and their behaviour in order to get MY way, but to establish relationshipsbased on honesty and empathy that will eventually fulfil everyone’s needs 19 .The information presented on the following pages will make you aware of andunderstand some fundamental ideas on nonviolent communication, such as:▶ Anything that anyone does is an attempt to fulfil unmet needs.▶ Meeting needs through cooperation rather than competition is healthierfor everyone. This includes respecting the values of oneself and others.▶ People naturally enjoy contributing to the well being of others.202 V I . N O N V I O L E N C E