Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

Set context and state the purpose of one’s actions… Find the appropriate time andplace for special conversations. In conflict situations it might be better to postponea discussion to a time when feelings have cooled down.State wishes rather than demands Expressing wishes leaves the other person free tomeet the request. A demand is coercive, implying punishment and is usuallyless helpful.10. Active listening“Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger...”Jas, 1.19Listening is not limited to hearing with the ears. Listening includes our whole bodyand mind as represented in the Chinese pictograph below. It means listening to thewords a person says, the feelings behind or buried under the words, the messagesencoded in the cues that surround the words, the body language while the person isspeaking or is silent. When listening empathically, the listener involves the wholebody and observes with all the senses — this means listening with the ears, eyes,mind, heart, sense of touch and imagination, this means listening to the voice, tone,demeanour, vocabulary, context, gestures, sounds and silence of the speaker 5 .The aim of active listening is to fully and empathically understand what thespeaker is experiencing. This involves not taking sides, remaining non‐judgmentaland non‐evaluative and accepting the person. In this way, active listening becomes ameans of achieving clear communication and creating an atmosphere of mutualunderstanding.An active listener therefore:▶ focuses on trying to understand what the speaker is expressing,▶ gives the speaker time, space and the attention necessary to fully expresstheir thoughts, needs, feelings and experiences,▶ uses communication skills and techniques, and▶ is aware of the feelings and emotions that arise within oneself (listener)because of the contact with the speaker, although the focus stays on thespeaker.1 0 . A c t i v e l i s t e n i n g 75