Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

Demand‘I want you to do it, if you do not, you will not get…’ ‘… if not, I will…’A demand explicitly or implicitly threatens the listener with blame or punishment ifs/he fails to comply with the order. A demand therefore assumes that there is somethingwrong or bad in the person if she or he does not act as demanded and consequentlydeserves punishment. Punishment can be various, e.g.: shaming, ignoring,beating, killing…Demanding something from somebody derives from a mentality of should‐nessand have‐to ‘I should have done … then I would not suffer now’, ‘You should havelistened to me, because you didn’t, I have to discipline you’. This kind of thinking isclosely linked to the behaviour of looking to authorities who decide what is right orwrong, good or bad 22 .Nonviolent communication is a tool to change this view. Instead of looking forsomeone who tells me what to do or what to change, one looks into oneself to findout what needs to be changed and why it should, what is positive or negative for oneselfand the others around (in a wider sense this means the whole world).Generally people fear changes because a change means leaving known areasfor unknown pastures. Someone only changes willingly if the change might bringpositive results, benefits or profits — otherwise a change would not make sense. Andonly if one changes voluntarily, when the one who changes knows, understands andaccepts the reasons behind the change, will the change be sustainable. A change dueto the threat of punishment, the fear of violence might happen immediately but willnot be a sustainable change.5 . N o n v i o l e n t c o m m u n i c a t i o n 209