Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

▶ “When I see…” “When I hear…” means to observe without interpretation▶ “I feel…” means to honestly express how I am feeling in relationto the actions I observe.▶ “… because I need…” “because I expect…” means to find out my needs,values, desires, expectations, thoughts that are creating my feelingsin relation to the actions I observed.▶ A request like “… and I would like you to…” means to clearly requesta concrete action that would enrich my life without demanding.Let’s imagine the four components in some examples:▶ When I see the gutters full of rubbish in front of our office … I feel frustratedand annoyed … because I need a healthy environment that includesnon‐polluted water and fresh air to feel secure and I fear that the authorities donot care about the health of the society … and I would like our community tomeet this week to discuss and agree on realistic actions to clear the place anddevelop a paper to send to the respective ministry to take immediate action.▶ When I see your children running around in the street, not attendingschool … I feel concerned and worried … because I expect all children toattend school to learn to improve their lives … and I would like you to sit downwith me to think about possibilities for sending them to school.▶ When I hear your child crying and you shouting at her and seeing you punishingher with a stick ... I feel embarrassed and helpless … because I need tosee children growing up without bodily harm and I do not know the circumstancesthat led to the punishment and how I can interfere … and I would likeyou to stop punishing your child and explain to me what led to this situation.▶ When I hear you screaming at me … I feel downcast and shocked …because I need a style of communication between us that shows respect foreach other and creates understanding for each others’ views … and I wouldlike you to talk with me in a tone of voice that does not hurt me.ObservationThe first component of nonviolent communication entails the separation of observationfrom interpretation/evaluation. Observation means describing the concretesituation or actions the person talking is referring to; it is to describe what I canobserve with the five senses ‘see, hear, touch, smell, taste’. Furthermore, observationincludes experience, remembrance and even sometimes imagination. Evaluationsare the individual thoughts based on observations that are specific to time and context;they are an interpretation of the event one refers to.5 . N o n v i o l e n t c o m m u n i c a t i o n 211