Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

Additionally, a receiver whose self‐confidence is low, will easily hear something negativein a harmless message that will reinforce and confirm their negative self-image.This person mainly listens with the relationship , misinterpreting a message negativelyand constantly searching for or filtering out aspects against her/himself. Someexamples:spoken wordI really like you.Can you do the filing today?I don’t like the activity.Someone laughs at me.Someone looks at me.You seem to have a lot of energy today.interpretationYou don’t mean that, you just needsomething from me.You mean I’m lazy and could have donethis work earlier.You want to do the activity with anotherperson…They are laughing at me,mocking me.They are criticizing me, no oneappreciates me.I know that you think I am a boringperson.When the ‘real’ problem between the communicators is on the relationship‐dimension,it is impossible to discuss the problem at another level only (e.g. information).As long as the receiver feels misunderstood, hurt, angry … they can hardly open‘other ears’ and look at the issue from another perspective (see example ‘somethingred in the soup’).Appeal dimensionThe appeal dimension is often unconscious and sometimes deliberate on the part ofthe sender. Usually, a message is not ‘just sent’ for no special reason and the senderdoes not only want their message to be understood.The senderwants to achieve something, like:▶ make the receiver think differently,▶ make the receiver do something,▶ influence or change the behavior of the receiver,▶ ask for empathy…7 . R e c e i v i n g a n d s e n d i n g 69