Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

2.7 Our own fantasySometimes one reacts not to how people really are, but to what one imagines themto be. This means people often behave in accordance with their fantasy, to what onethinks or imagines the other person’s thoughts or feelings are:“I will not call her, I’m sure it would annoy her.”“He looks tired; I should not tell him about my problems with my childright now.”How can this be dealt with? It is not advisable to suppress ‘my’ fantasy, but to realizethat it is a part of me and that my fantasy about another person(s) can be correct ornot. One can keep the imaginary thoughts for oneself and act accordingly; or onecan share these private thoughts with the other person and check whether they arecorrect.what the sender sayswhat the sender thinkswhat the receiver hears andinterprets or thinksthe sender might meanCommunication without misunderstandingIt’s a matter of clear communication that helps us to correct our incorrect thoughts.If we do not share our thoughts (fantasy) they can easily develop into a self fulfillingprophecy:▶ thoughts not expressed hamper communication (thick air) andmay damage relations▶ feelings not expressed can turn into poison for the soul(inside – intrapersonal).2 . F a c t s a b o u t c o m m u n i c a t i o n 53