Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

We help others to trust that we are requesting not demanding by indicatingour desire for them to comply only if they can and are willing to do so. Others mightbe more willing to listen to our request and to respond compassionately to our needswhen we practice communication without criticizing, analyzing, blaming or diagnosingothers, but in a way most likely to inspire compassion.Making a request means asking for actions (or a change of behaviour) fromothers that might fulfil our needs in a clear and concrete manner. We state what wewish (request) rather than what we want (demand).Activity – learn to chooseWe often act violently towards our self and put barriers up against own enjoyment oflife because we think in “have to” ways. The words “have to” imply that there is noother way, that something must be done, I have to do … there is no choice! NVCassumes that there might be choices, even when we assume and think there is noother option, if we explore ourselves and our lives honestly. The following activitymight be an eye‐opener:Step 1: List one thing that you think you “have to” do in your daily life,because you don’t have any other choice.Step 2: Delete the “I have to” and replace it with “I choose to” in this sentence.Step 3: Find out the intention of the task, what do you want to achieve,what is your goal?What is/are the needs you satisfy with these actions.Step 4: Look at the energy behind your actions, means what do you investto fulfil your tasks?Step 5: Think about alternatives of how to satisfy the needs you have identifiedin step 3.FearMentioning the fear one has in a given situation can be included as a step of nonviolentcommunication. This is most appropriate before stating the request.What fear do I (you) have concerning … our future relationship, a situation, acondition? Some examples of how fears can be formulated could be:▶ I fear that the child’s health will deteriorate (if you continue to punish it).▶ I fear that we’ll lose the chance for the final game(if Kallon does not score a goal).▶ I fear that there will be no food in the house (when I return from work).▶ I fear that I will not be informed in time to attend the meeting(and will therefore miss important information = consequence).▶ I fear that you might not have recovered fully and might not be ableto join the trekking tour tomorrow.5 . N o n v i o l e n t c o m m u n i c a t i o n 223