Peacebuilding &conflict transformation A ... - Peaceworkafrica

InterpretationI feel ignoredI feel inadequate asI feel unimportant tothe ‘real’ feelings could berelieved, hurtfrustrated, disappointedupset, lonelySome more examples to highlight the difference between feelings and non‐feelings.Non-feelings(description of what we think or interpret)I feel disappointed in myselfas a drummer.I feel discouraged by the people at work.I am/feel misunderstood by my family.I am/feel pressured in my studies.I feel bad about you (although bad is anexpression of a feeling, it does not reallyexplain one’s feelings).FeelingsI am/feel inadequate as a drummer.I am/feel unimportant to the people atwork.I feel anxious/annoyed about howA and B in my family treated me thismorning.I felt helpless and frightened whenmy arts teacher informed us aboutthe program for the next six months.I feel guilty on the one hand andhurt on the other when I think aboutour quarrel last night.Note that if the word itself already describes the feeling, the word ‘feel’ is not neededor can be replaced with the verb ‘be’. For example‘I feel irritated’ has the same meaning as ‘I am irritated’‘I feel worn out’ ‘I am worn out’‘I feel happy’ ‘I am happy’Another issue concerning the use of feelings in nonviolent communication is toclearly express whatever we have to say. Vague words are a barrier to effective understanding.This does not only concern the expression of feelings, but covers whateverand however we communicate. Examples of vague words to describe feelings are“good” and “bad”. We use these two expressions countless times although there aremany others which would describe more clearly how we are and describe our stateof wellbeing much better:good happy, joyful, delighted, wonderful, inspired, amused…bad fearful, angry, sad, hungry, cold, lethargic, lonely, nervous, worried…216 V I . N O N V I O L E N C E