Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

A Brittle Moment
It came all at once. It came out of nowhere. I was both
eternal and finite. I was immortal, and death was imminent. My
head swam. Fear fought with calm.
“Butter,” Tayla said. “What’re you doing?”
“What?”
“Your hands are bleeding.”
I held them up. Small pools of blood gathered in my palms.
Now that I saw them, I felt the pain. The wounds were shallow,
nothing more than deep scratches. Still, I couldn’t remember doing
it.
“What’re doing?” Tayla asked again.
I shrugged.
“Jesus,” she said. “Wash your hands.”
In the bathroom, blood pinked the cold water. It stung. I
had no sense of time. Even now, I was not in my body. I was off
somewhere watching all of this happen. Tayla came to the
bathroom door.
“You’re hurting yourself again,” she said.
There was an accusation there.
“Sorry.”
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
“You can’t keep doing this,” she said.
“What do you want me to say?”
She shook her head and walked away. I looked in the
mirror. I hated mirrors. I hated the way my face stopped making
sense when I saw it. This was not how I saw myself.
“Tayla,” I called.
“What?”
She sounded bitter.
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said.