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Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Angie laughed. It was a

Angie laughed. It was a cruel, hard sound, like glass cutting away flesh. “You’re pregnant,” she said. “Even Tayla’s not that good.” I couldn’t look at her, so I closed my eyes. I couldn’t breathe so I bit my lip. Blood rolled slowly over my tongue. “I didn’t cheat,” I said. Angie just shook her head. “I didn’t,” I said. “I swear.” “The whole virgin birth thing is a little over done,” she said. “Never mind.” I pushed past her. I grabbed my bag and started for the door. “Who was it?” Angie asked. “It had to be someone, Butter. Even you’re not that crazy.” Something hard stopped me. Something tight grabbed hold of me. “Gid,” I said. Nothing for a long time. Just silence and thought and pity. When she spoke, Angie’s voice was laced with ice. “Jesus,” she said. “Angie,” I said. “Please.” “I swear.” She came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Butter,” she said. “Even you know better than that.” My spine slumped. “Tayla’s going to lose her mind,” Angie said. “I know.” We sat on the floor together for a long time before she took my hand. “Shit happens,” she said. “Mistakes and whatnot.”

It felt as if my skin were going to give away. I was turning into a puddle. Nothing held me together. “When’re you due?” she asked again. “I don’t know.” “You don’t know?” “I can keep it quiet until I start showing.” “You’re showing now.” “Jesus.” “You should’ve had the abortion already.” “I’m keeping it.” “You’re keeping it?” “Tayla and me.” “This isn’t Tayla’s kid,” Angie said. “She’s not going to want anything to do with it.” I nodded. “Adoption?” she asked. “I don’t know.” Angie kissed my forehead. “Honey,” she said, “you need to figure some shit out.” “Yeah,” I said. Time pressed on me, heavier than air or water, heavier than the whole world, not heavy enough to kill me.