Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

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Angie laughed. It was a cruel, hard sound, like glass cutting away flesh. “You’re pregnant,” she said. “Even Tayla’s not that good.” I couldn’t look at her, so I closed my eyes. I couldn’t breathe so I bit my lip. Blood rolled slowly over my tongue. “I didn’t cheat,” I said. Angie just shook her head. “I didn’t,” I said. “I swear.” “The whole virgin birth thing is a little over done,” she said. “Never mind.” I pushed past her. I grabbed my bag and started for the door. “Who was it?” Angie asked. “It had to be someone, Butter. Even you’re not that crazy.” Something hard stopped me. Something tight grabbed hold of me. “Gid,” I said. Nothing for a long time. Just silence and thought and pity. When she spoke, Angie’s voice was laced with ice. “Jesus,” she said. “Angie,” I said. “Please.” “I swear.” She came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Butter,” she said. “Even you know better than that.” My spine slumped. “Tayla’s going to lose her mind,” Angie said. “I know.” We sat on the floor together for a long time before she took my hand. “Shit happens,” she said. “Mistakes and whatnot.”
It felt as if my skin were going to give away. I was turning into a puddle. Nothing held me together. “When’re you due?” she asked again. “I don’t know.” “You don’t know?” “I can keep it quiet until I start showing.” “You’re showing now.” “Jesus.” “You should’ve had the abortion already.” “I’m keeping it.” “You’re keeping it?” “Tayla and me.” “This isn’t Tayla’s kid,” Angie said. “She’s not going to want anything to do with it.” I nodded. “Adoption?” she asked. “I don’t know.” Angie kissed my forehead. “Honey,” she said, “you need to figure some shit out.” “Yeah,” I said. Time pressed on me, heavier than air or water, heavier than the whole world, not heavy enough to kill me.
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Comfortable Madness William L. Alto
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Dedication For Lisa, who showed me
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still the only teacher who let me g
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I reached for his face, but it was
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the curb. I smoked and paced, and I
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med thing? Was this the start of an
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Science and Spirit They made physic
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Target I was neither the biggest ki
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Crossing the Line In English, we ta
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Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou
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God Porn Four girls stood in front
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Lunch Color drained away except for
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Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with
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Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta
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“We have to do something,” Miss
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Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in
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Love and Madness Our bed was old. K
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Someday Queertopia was the last tab
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There were no words. There were no
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Voices and Visions Night. Everythin
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Answered Questions Tayla sat in the
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A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want
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I backed away. People were really s
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Tayla rolled over and looked at me.
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Delusions I was too cold. White air
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Room A creek ran on the edge of tow
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Questions Water dribbled through a
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Show Folks came through the door, t
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gathered in his fists and face. I s
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“I love you,” he said. Was this
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Spells in the Corner The music was
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Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug
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The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th
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“I understand,” Tayla said. “
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PE I watched the game without watch
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He got off the couch and came to me
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Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn
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I didn’t know that for sure. Gid
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How do you explain what it was like
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Air seemed to slice through me. Par
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Glass The room was mine. The walls
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“I love you,” she said. Sweet w
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“Turn away from sin,” he shoute
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down and grabbed my arm. He hauled
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Secrets Sadness verged on depressio
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Real Enough Orion hung in the south
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Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t
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We crouched behind a hedge. The cop
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Shit Follows Voices told me to run.
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“You’re dying,” he said. Spot
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Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and
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Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with
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At the corner, I sat in a hard chai
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Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an
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The Dead On the edge of sleep, just
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Real and Not Real Visiting hours st
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I stared at the trees on the other
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Home Part of me thought things woul
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He was a wall of bone and muscle. H
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She came back to the bathroom. “I
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Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel
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gulped down. That was it. This was
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Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl
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“She hates me,” I said, soundin
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Soon I knew things. I knew someday
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Open Communication Pain and oxy str
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Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne
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“You’ll make it,” Tad said. I
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Love Oxy made everything okay. Not
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Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”
Page 143 and 144: Fight For days, we fought but we fo
Page 145 and 146: “Really?” she asked. The word h
Page 147 and 148: An old man stopped. He looked from
Page 149 and 150: Faith There he was. Gid. In the win
Page 151 and 152: The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r
Page 153 and 154: Always and Forever I dreamed of lig
Page 155 and 156: Temptation Last call. The stage emp
Page 157 and 158: Empty Promises It started. But then
Page 159 and 160: Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
Page 161 and 162: Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
Page 163 and 164: Black birds came from the corners.
Page 165 and 166: This Body I dreamed of music, compl
Page 167 and 168: Miracles I was late. I was never la
Page 169 and 170: laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
Page 171 and 172: “You’re talking religion,” Co
Page 173 and 174: Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.
Page 175 and 176: This Is Love First, I saw his hands
Page 177 and 178: Making Sure Posters of smiling wome
Page 179 and 180: Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li
Page 181 and 182: Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
Page 183 and 184: Closet Water stains made dark masks
Page 185 and 186: “You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
Page 187 and 188: “The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
Page 189 and 190: “I love you,” Gid said. He went
Page 191 and 192: “You’re not a guy,” he said.
Page 193: Heavy Music and movement. I spun an
Page 197 and 198: “They did nothing to you,” Gid
Page 199 and 200: I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
Page 201 and 202: “Really,” I said. “They can s
Page 203 and 204: I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
Page 205 and 206: “What’s up?” she asked. “Te
Page 207 and 208: I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
Page 209 and 210: Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
Page 211 and 212: The Talk “What’s his name?” T
Page 213 and 214: Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
Page 215 and 216: pushing his fingers into my pie and
Page 217 and 218: “She thinks I cheated,” I said.
Page 219 and 220: “You know better.” Suddenly, I
Page 221 and 222: “You know,” she said. “No one
Page 223 and 224: “No,” I said. “Yes. And other
Page 225 and 226: “I know.” Her fingers squeezed
Page 227 and 228: That put an end to it.
Page 229 and 230: “What happens,” I asked, “if
Page 231 and 232: didn’t trust her because they ass
Page 233 and 234: “Have you thought of adoption?”
Page 235 and 236: “I have some newborn clothes here
Page 237 and 238: Safe Dead folks filled the room wit
Page 239 and 240: Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
Page 241 and 242: A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
Page 243 and 244: Birth It started with a rush of wat
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When they handed me my son, I cried
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He fought with me, but there was a
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