Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

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“Jesus,” she said and got out. A hostess took us to our table and we sat, neither of us talking, reading the menu. Now that we were here, I didn’t feel like eating. My stomach was sour and twisted. “Are you seeing someone?” I asked. “There’s a guy I see sometimes,” she said. “Okay,” I said. “It’s not that way,” she said. She put her menu down and stared at me. “Would you go home with me?” All the light, all the air turned to amber. Angie smiled. She looked away and she looked back. “So, this guy,” she said. “Yeah?” “So, this guy,” she said. “He’s kind of rich.” Her smile was delicate and her eyes frail. Still, things were back to normal. Kind of. Not really.
Empty Promises It started. But then it stopped. It started again. Things jerked around me like an old-fashioned film running too slowly. Everything spun. Fragments twisted in the pearly light. Faces formed. Large, ugly teeth gnawed at me. Every time I moved, the whole thing stopped and reset. Gid came out of a field of wild iris and pressed himself against my back. I tried to scream but thorns tore my throat apart. My lungs cracked open. Cold split every bone. His bristling chin tore the skin on the back of my neck. When he kissed me between the shoulder blades, my spine splintered. My thighs tingled and cramped. I reached for his eyes, clawing and digging. “Show me,” I said. For a moment, he faded. His edges blurred but the light shifted, and the lines came back blade sharp. His fingers found my nipples and I yelped. We were naked, and I knew what was happening. Flesh fell from bone. My guts wrapped themselves around my spine. He pumped me full. My back arced. My toes curled. Everything went white, then black. I opened my eyes. I shook my head. I went to the bathroom and pissed. Blood stained the water. Was this my period? It wasn’t time for my period. “Fuck,” I said. “Goddamn.” I turned away and found myself in the mirror. My face made no sense. It was only vaguely familiar like a photo of someone who looked a little like the picture I had of myself in my head but not quite. The skin was too pale. Darkness dug deep into the bones. Stony teeth worried at bloodless lips. “Butter,” Tayla called. “I’m okay.”
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Comfortable Madness William L. Alto
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Dedication For Lisa, who showed me
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still the only teacher who let me g
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I reached for his face, but it was
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the curb. I smoked and paced, and I
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med thing? Was this the start of an
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Science and Spirit They made physic
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Target I was neither the biggest ki
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Crossing the Line In English, we ta
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Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou
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God Porn Four girls stood in front
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Lunch Color drained away except for
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Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with
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Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta
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“We have to do something,” Miss
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Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in
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Love and Madness Our bed was old. K
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Someday Queertopia was the last tab
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There were no words. There were no
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Voices and Visions Night. Everythin
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Answered Questions Tayla sat in the
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A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want
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I backed away. People were really s
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Tayla rolled over and looked at me.
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Delusions I was too cold. White air
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Room A creek ran on the edge of tow
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Questions Water dribbled through a
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Show Folks came through the door, t
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gathered in his fists and face. I s
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“I love you,” he said. Was this
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Spells in the Corner The music was
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Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug
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The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th
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“I understand,” Tayla said. “
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PE I watched the game without watch
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He got off the couch and came to me
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Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn
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I didn’t know that for sure. Gid
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How do you explain what it was like
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Air seemed to slice through me. Par
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Glass The room was mine. The walls
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“I love you,” she said. Sweet w
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“Turn away from sin,” he shoute
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down and grabbed my arm. He hauled
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Secrets Sadness verged on depressio
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Real Enough Orion hung in the south
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Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t
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We crouched behind a hedge. The cop
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Shit Follows Voices told me to run.
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“You’re dying,” he said. Spot
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Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and
Page 105 and 106: Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with
Page 107 and 108: At the corner, I sat in a hard chai
Page 109 and 110: Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an
Page 111 and 112: The Dead On the edge of sleep, just
Page 113 and 114: Real and Not Real Visiting hours st
Page 115 and 116: I stared at the trees on the other
Page 117 and 118: Home Part of me thought things woul
Page 119 and 120: He was a wall of bone and muscle. H
Page 121 and 122: She came back to the bathroom. “I
Page 123 and 124: Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel
Page 125 and 126: gulped down. That was it. This was
Page 127 and 128: Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl
Page 129 and 130: “She hates me,” I said, soundin
Page 131 and 132: Soon I knew things. I knew someday
Page 133 and 134: Open Communication Pain and oxy str
Page 135 and 136: Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne
Page 137 and 138: “You’ll make it,” Tad said. I
Page 139 and 140: Love Oxy made everything okay. Not
Page 141 and 142: Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”
Page 143 and 144: Fight For days, we fought but we fo
Page 145 and 146: “Really?” she asked. The word h
Page 147 and 148: An old man stopped. He looked from
Page 149 and 150: Faith There he was. Gid. In the win
Page 151 and 152: The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r
Page 153 and 154: Always and Forever I dreamed of lig
Page 155: Temptation Last call. The stage emp
Page 159 and 160: Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
Page 161 and 162: Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
Page 163 and 164: Black birds came from the corners.
Page 165 and 166: This Body I dreamed of music, compl
Page 167 and 168: Miracles I was late. I was never la
Page 169 and 170: laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
Page 171 and 172: “You’re talking religion,” Co
Page 173 and 174: Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.
Page 175 and 176: This Is Love First, I saw his hands
Page 177 and 178: Making Sure Posters of smiling wome
Page 179 and 180: Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li
Page 181 and 182: Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
Page 183 and 184: Closet Water stains made dark masks
Page 185 and 186: “You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
Page 187 and 188: “The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
Page 189 and 190: “I love you,” Gid said. He went
Page 191 and 192: “You’re not a guy,” he said.
Page 193 and 194: Heavy Music and movement. I spun an
Page 195 and 196: It felt as if my skin were going to
Page 197 and 198: “They did nothing to you,” Gid
Page 199 and 200: I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
Page 201 and 202: “Really,” I said. “They can s
Page 203 and 204: I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
Page 205 and 206: “What’s up?” she asked. “Te
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I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
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Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
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The Talk “What’s his name?” T
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Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
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pushing his fingers into my pie and
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“She thinks I cheated,” I said.
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“You know better.” Suddenly, I
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“You know,” she said. “No one
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“No,” I said. “Yes. And other
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“I know.” Her fingers squeezed
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That put an end to it.
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“What happens,” I asked, “if
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didn’t trust her because they ass
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“Have you thought of adoption?”
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“I have some newborn clothes here
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Safe Dead folks filled the room wit
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Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
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A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
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Birth It started with a rush of wat
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When they handed me my son, I cried
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He fought with me, but there was a
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