Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

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“Fine.” When I got to the door, he said my name. “It’ll be okay,” he said. Shaking my head, I went back to the hall and back to class. I sat in my chair thinking maybe the world really was ending. I was pregnant with a child whose father wasn’t real and Coy Henderson, the school shit, was kind for moment.
Heavy Music and movement. I spun and rose out of myself. Lights from the corners played over me like fingers. Shadows, hard edged and black, whirled with me. The music was all drums, banging and clanging, rubbing against me like a wind. I closed my eyes. Not a good idea. The room swirled like water in a toilet. Color bent and wrapped around my head. Faces formed and snapped at me. The floor tilted away and I fell. Bones rattled in my wrists. My knees hit hard, jarring into my hips. My head snapped forward, pulling at my spine. “Fuck,” I said. “Are you okay?” Angie asked. I didn’t know she was there. I came early so I could try some things without her. “Leave me alone,” I said. Nastiness burned. Angie crossed her arms on her chest. “Sorry,” I said. She dropped her bag on the floor. Slowly, I pushed myself up. Angie lifted my chin with her fingers. Silver stars sparkled around her eyes. Gold ran through the brown irises. “When’re you due?” she asked. Panic flared. I jerked away. I turned my back. “Come on,” Angie said. “We’re friends, right?” Darkness shot through with purple and green eddied like smoke through the room. “Butter,” Angie said. “It’s okay.” I found a corner and sank into it. Voices echoes through me. “She’s going to hate me,” I said. “Well,” Angie said. “You’re kind of fucked up.” Something cold cut along my scalp. “But I didn’t,” I said.
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Comfortable Madness William L. Alto
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Dedication For Lisa, who showed me
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still the only teacher who let me g
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I reached for his face, but it was
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the curb. I smoked and paced, and I
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med thing? Was this the start of an
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Science and Spirit They made physic
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Target I was neither the biggest ki
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Crossing the Line In English, we ta
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Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou
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God Porn Four girls stood in front
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Lunch Color drained away except for
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Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with
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Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta
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“We have to do something,” Miss
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Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in
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Love and Madness Our bed was old. K
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Someday Queertopia was the last tab
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There were no words. There were no
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Voices and Visions Night. Everythin
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Answered Questions Tayla sat in the
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A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want
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I backed away. People were really s
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Tayla rolled over and looked at me.
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Delusions I was too cold. White air
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Room A creek ran on the edge of tow
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Questions Water dribbled through a
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Show Folks came through the door, t
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gathered in his fists and face. I s
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“I love you,” he said. Was this
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Spells in the Corner The music was
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Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug
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The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th
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“I understand,” Tayla said. “
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PE I watched the game without watch
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He got off the couch and came to me
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Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn
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I didn’t know that for sure. Gid
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How do you explain what it was like
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Air seemed to slice through me. Par
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Glass The room was mine. The walls
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“I love you,” she said. Sweet w
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“Turn away from sin,” he shoute
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down and grabbed my arm. He hauled
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Secrets Sadness verged on depressio
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Real Enough Orion hung in the south
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Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t
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We crouched behind a hedge. The cop
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Shit Follows Voices told me to run.
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“You’re dying,” he said. Spot
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Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and
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Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with
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At the corner, I sat in a hard chai
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Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an
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The Dead On the edge of sleep, just
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Real and Not Real Visiting hours st
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I stared at the trees on the other
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Home Part of me thought things woul
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He was a wall of bone and muscle. H
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She came back to the bathroom. “I
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Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel
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gulped down. That was it. This was
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Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl
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“She hates me,” I said, soundin
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Soon I knew things. I knew someday
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Open Communication Pain and oxy str
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Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne
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“You’ll make it,” Tad said. I
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Love Oxy made everything okay. Not
Page 141 and 142: Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”
Page 143 and 144: Fight For days, we fought but we fo
Page 145 and 146: “Really?” she asked. The word h
Page 147 and 148: An old man stopped. He looked from
Page 149 and 150: Faith There he was. Gid. In the win
Page 151 and 152: The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r
Page 153 and 154: Always and Forever I dreamed of lig
Page 155 and 156: Temptation Last call. The stage emp
Page 157 and 158: Empty Promises It started. But then
Page 159 and 160: Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
Page 161 and 162: Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
Page 163 and 164: Black birds came from the corners.
Page 165 and 166: This Body I dreamed of music, compl
Page 167 and 168: Miracles I was late. I was never la
Page 169 and 170: laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
Page 171 and 172: “You’re talking religion,” Co
Page 173 and 174: Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.
Page 175 and 176: This Is Love First, I saw his hands
Page 177 and 178: Making Sure Posters of smiling wome
Page 179 and 180: Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li
Page 181 and 182: Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
Page 183 and 184: Closet Water stains made dark masks
Page 185 and 186: “You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
Page 187 and 188: “The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
Page 189 and 190: “I love you,” Gid said. He went
Page 191: “You’re not a guy,” he said.
Page 195 and 196: It felt as if my skin were going to
Page 197 and 198: “They did nothing to you,” Gid
Page 199 and 200: I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
Page 201 and 202: “Really,” I said. “They can s
Page 203 and 204: I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
Page 205 and 206: “What’s up?” she asked. “Te
Page 207 and 208: I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
Page 209 and 210: Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
Page 211 and 212: The Talk “What’s his name?” T
Page 213 and 214: Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
Page 215 and 216: pushing his fingers into my pie and
Page 217 and 218: “She thinks I cheated,” I said.
Page 219 and 220: “You know better.” Suddenly, I
Page 221 and 222: “You know,” she said. “No one
Page 223 and 224: “No,” I said. “Yes. And other
Page 225 and 226: “I know.” Her fingers squeezed
Page 227 and 228: That put an end to it.
Page 229 and 230: “What happens,” I asked, “if
Page 231 and 232: didn’t trust her because they ass
Page 233 and 234: “Have you thought of adoption?”
Page 235 and 236: “I have some newborn clothes here
Page 237 and 238: Safe Dead folks filled the room wit
Page 239 and 240: Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
Page 241 and 242: A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
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Birth It started with a rush of wat
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When they handed me my son, I cried
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He fought with me, but there was a
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