Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Confession
Sleep abandoned me to the night and the night was long.
Nausea twisted me into a miserable knot. I lay in bed listening to
Tayla mutter. She was prone to nightmares and sometimes the
nightmares leaked into the real world. A siren called from
somewhere. Mr. Rothgery’s dog howled in sympathy.
I tried to be still as possible. Moving brought on the
vomiting. Not moving let it sit in the middle of me like a bag of
snakes, wriggling and writhing. The room spun and the darkness
pressed on me, a layer of sweat and cramps.
When I couldn’t hold my stomach in place anymore, I
stumbled into the bathroom and crawled into the shower. Hot water
made me less sick. Hot water washed away the misery. Time was a
trickle of stones rolling over my bones.
I curled in the tub, praying to God to either heal me or let
me die. He did neither. Gid whispered at me. He told me that I
needed to tell Tayla about the baby. I didn’t want to say anything as
long as there was a chance, things would change. I thought if I went
with Coy to the doctor, the nausea, the agony of keeping secrets,
would slip away. But I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with
Coy.
“This baby is changing things,” Gid said. “You are no
longer who you were.”
I shook my head.
“Together,” Gid said. “We will last forever.”
The water went cold. I twisted off the stream and stumbled
out of the tub. My foot slipped but I caught myself and then it
occurred to me that I could have let myself fall. If I fell just right,
maybe the baby would come loose. I didn’t fall though, and I didn’t
have it in me to drop on my own.
Out in the bedroom, Tayla waited for me. She sat in the
bed, eyes dark and swollen. Her hands picked at the blanket and she
frowned like something sour had coated her tongue.