Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

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“I don’t know,” I said. “I have a plan,” Miss Tris said. “Make those fuckers see us for real.” We’d need a stack of gay porn, several tubes of superglue and a bunch of dildoes. Her plan was a little out there, but it would definitely get us some attention.
Always and Forever I dreamed of light and faceless faces. I dreamed of Gid’s hands and the feel of his lips. I knew the ridges of his thighs and the swirls in his fingertips. His tongue tasted of mint and rain. Scenes flipped from one to the other without warning. <strong>First</strong>, I was on a bus, trying to shave my head. I didn’t know why I wanted to shave my head. I couldn’t stop. I took a spoon and scraped it over my scalp over and over, but the hair wouldn’t cut. It pulled at the roots, but nothing came off. Gid sat with me, and stared, but I couldn’t speak. Something told me he was smiling, like this was funny to him. Anger flooded through me. I bunched my fist, but then my body locked up and I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I choked and gagged and shivered. Gid ran his fingertip along my jaw. “This is love,” he said. “You cannot get away.” The world tilted and spun, and I stood on a corner down by the water front. Rain fluttered in from the mountains. Men and women ran by me. I was invisible. Out on the river, tugs and ferries steamed through the red and silver waves. Water rose over the seawall and swirled around my ankles. I sank into the muddy bank. Trees reached out for me, but their fingers were too brittle, too weak. I was dying. “You can live forever,” Gid said. He stood on the water, not reaching for me, not doing anything to save me. I tried to climb his leg, but he was smoke and rain. I slipped below the waves. Green light filtered in. I couldn’t breathe. I kicked and fought, and my lungs quivered. Everything exploded.
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Comfortable Madness William L. Alto
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Dedication For Lisa, who showed me
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still the only teacher who let me g
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I reached for his face, but it was
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the curb. I smoked and paced, and I
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med thing? Was this the start of an
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Science and Spirit They made physic
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Target I was neither the biggest ki
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Crossing the Line In English, we ta
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Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou
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God Porn Four girls stood in front
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Lunch Color drained away except for
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Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with
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Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta
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“We have to do something,” Miss
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Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in
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Love and Madness Our bed was old. K
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Someday Queertopia was the last tab
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There were no words. There were no
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Voices and Visions Night. Everythin
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Answered Questions Tayla sat in the
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A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want
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I backed away. People were really s
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Tayla rolled over and looked at me.
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Delusions I was too cold. White air
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Room A creek ran on the edge of tow
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Questions Water dribbled through a
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Show Folks came through the door, t
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gathered in his fists and face. I s
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“I love you,” he said. Was this
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Spells in the Corner The music was
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Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug
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The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th
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“I understand,” Tayla said. “
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PE I watched the game without watch
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He got off the couch and came to me
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Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn
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I didn’t know that for sure. Gid
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How do you explain what it was like
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Air seemed to slice through me. Par
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Glass The room was mine. The walls
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“I love you,” she said. Sweet w
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“Turn away from sin,” he shoute
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down and grabbed my arm. He hauled
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Secrets Sadness verged on depressio
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Real Enough Orion hung in the south
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Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t
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We crouched behind a hedge. The cop
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Shit Follows Voices told me to run.
Page 101 and 102: “You’re dying,” he said. Spot
Page 103 and 104: Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and
Page 105 and 106: Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with
Page 107 and 108: At the corner, I sat in a hard chai
Page 109 and 110: Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an
Page 111 and 112: The Dead On the edge of sleep, just
Page 113 and 114: Real and Not Real Visiting hours st
Page 115 and 116: I stared at the trees on the other
Page 117 and 118: Home Part of me thought things woul
Page 119 and 120: He was a wall of bone and muscle. H
Page 121 and 122: She came back to the bathroom. “I
Page 123 and 124: Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel
Page 125 and 126: gulped down. That was it. This was
Page 127 and 128: Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl
Page 129 and 130: “She hates me,” I said, soundin
Page 131 and 132: Soon I knew things. I knew someday
Page 133 and 134: Open Communication Pain and oxy str
Page 135 and 136: Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne
Page 137 and 138: “You’ll make it,” Tad said. I
Page 139 and 140: Love Oxy made everything okay. Not
Page 141 and 142: Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”
Page 143 and 144: Fight For days, we fought but we fo
Page 145 and 146: “Really?” she asked. The word h
Page 147 and 148: An old man stopped. He looked from
Page 149 and 150: Faith There he was. Gid. In the win
Page 151: The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r
Page 155 and 156: Temptation Last call. The stage emp
Page 157 and 158: Empty Promises It started. But then
Page 159 and 160: Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
Page 161 and 162: Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
Page 163 and 164: Black birds came from the corners.
Page 165 and 166: This Body I dreamed of music, compl
Page 167 and 168: Miracles I was late. I was never la
Page 169 and 170: laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
Page 171 and 172: “You’re talking religion,” Co
Page 173 and 174: Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.
Page 175 and 176: This Is Love First, I saw his hands
Page 177 and 178: Making Sure Posters of smiling wome
Page 179 and 180: Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li
Page 181 and 182: Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
Page 183 and 184: Closet Water stains made dark masks
Page 185 and 186: “You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
Page 187 and 188: “The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
Page 189 and 190: “I love you,” Gid said. He went
Page 191 and 192: “You’re not a guy,” he said.
Page 193 and 194: Heavy Music and movement. I spun an
Page 195 and 196: It felt as if my skin were going to
Page 197 and 198: “They did nothing to you,” Gid
Page 199 and 200: I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
Page 201 and 202: “Really,” I said. “They can s
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I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
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“What’s up?” she asked. “Te
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I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
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Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
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The Talk “What’s his name?” T
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Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
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pushing his fingers into my pie and
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“She thinks I cheated,” I said.
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“You know better.” Suddenly, I
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“You know,” she said. “No one
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“No,” I said. “Yes. And other
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“I know.” Her fingers squeezed
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That put an end to it.
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“What happens,” I asked, “if
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didn’t trust her because they ass
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“Have you thought of adoption?”
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“I have some newborn clothes here
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Safe Dead folks filled the room wit
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Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
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A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
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Birth It started with a rush of wat
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When they handed me my son, I cried
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He fought with me, but there was a
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