Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Air seemed to slice through me. Part of me hid in a corner
of my mind whimpering at me to stop.
“We have to get this right,” I said. “Come on.”
I held a hand out to Angie. She shook her head.
“Sit down,” Tayla said.
Something in her voice told me that she was scared. Tayla
was scared. Tayla was never scared.
“Butter,” she said. “I have something for you.”
It was a threat. I bared my teeth, hissing.
“It’ll help,” she said.
She came and handed me a pill and a bottle of water.
“You’re killing me,” I said.
“No,” she said. “You know me. I’d never hurt you.”
It was a lie. She hurt me all of the time. But she hurt me
less than others. She tried not to hurt me. No one else cared enough
to try even that much.
“Ativan,” Tayla said. “It’ll help.”
Wrestling with the rage and the powerlessness, I forced the
pill into my mouth and washed it down with water. I sucked in a
mouthful of warm air and went to the corner. My head dropped to
my knees. My arms wrapped themselves around my shins.
Jesus, I thought. My thighs are fucking huge.
The only noise for a long time was my raspy breathing.
“I should go,” Angie said.
Soft feet walked on the hard floor. A nylon bag groaned.
“Call me,” Angie said. “Lock up.”
The door creaked a little and sunlight filled the studio for a
moment. Tayla came and sat with me.
“You okay?” she asked.
She took my hand.
“We’ll get through this,” she said.
We? There was no we. There was me and the shit in my
head. Tayla had no idea. Still, she tried.