Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

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“She thought we broke up,” I said. “Yeah.” The moment got heavy and dark. “We’re okay,” I said. “Right?” Tayla lifted the box. “Let’s go home,” she said. I knew she wanted to throw the box in a dumpster. I knew how hard it was for her to take anything from people like Jessica Barber. We stood on the edge of things. We always would, but sometimes, we had to take the scraps the real people left for us.
Safe Dead folks filled the room without walls. None of them had faces, only bumps for the nose and pits for their eyes. Their mouths were filled with glass teeth, jagged, sharp and dangerous. I knew them even without their faces. Everyone I knew, had ever known, would ever know was there. They were there and they danced. They circled like dust devils. Waves of rage washed through them. They crashed against me as if I were a stone in a tide. Soon, their spiky fingers pinched away pieces of me. There was no blood, just meat and pain. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t fight them off. I couldn’t breathe. Mud filled my lungs. I wanted to scream but all I could do was gasp and tremble. When they got to my belly, they cut into me, trying to pull the baby out. My skin healed as fast as they pulled it away. They couldn’t get to him. Gid saved me. He lifted me into the purple sky and we moved without moving. Everything was smooth and iridescent. He took me to the edge of a pit, a pit so deep, so dark; I couldn’t begin to comprehend it. Voices lifted out it like an updraft, hot and angry. Pain filled every bit of wind. “This is yours,” he said. I shook my head. “This is what waits,” he said. The baby kicked my ribs. I lunged, and my fingertips brushed the point of his chin. Flesh showed for a moment. Bone cracked. For the first time, part of him became human. I lunged again, and he slapped me down. Blood and pain exploded in my face. I fell to the floor. Everything stopped. Light flared. I opened my eyes. “You okay?” Tayla asked. I shook my head. “Nightmare,” she said. “I was dying,” I said. Her hand squeezed my hand.
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Comfortable Madness William L. Alto
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Dedication For Lisa, who showed me
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still the only teacher who let me g
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I reached for his face, but it was
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the curb. I smoked and paced, and I
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med thing? Was this the start of an
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Science and Spirit They made physic
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Target I was neither the biggest ki
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Crossing the Line In English, we ta
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Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou
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God Porn Four girls stood in front
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Lunch Color drained away except for
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Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with
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Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta
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“We have to do something,” Miss
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Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in
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Love and Madness Our bed was old. K
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Someday Queertopia was the last tab
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There were no words. There were no
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Voices and Visions Night. Everythin
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Answered Questions Tayla sat in the
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A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want
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I backed away. People were really s
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Tayla rolled over and looked at me.
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Delusions I was too cold. White air
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Room A creek ran on the edge of tow
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Questions Water dribbled through a
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Show Folks came through the door, t
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gathered in his fists and face. I s
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“I love you,” he said. Was this
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Spells in the Corner The music was
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Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug
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The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th
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“I understand,” Tayla said. “
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PE I watched the game without watch
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He got off the couch and came to me
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Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn
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I didn’t know that for sure. Gid
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How do you explain what it was like
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Air seemed to slice through me. Par
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Glass The room was mine. The walls
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“I love you,” she said. Sweet w
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“Turn away from sin,” he shoute
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down and grabbed my arm. He hauled
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Secrets Sadness verged on depressio
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Real Enough Orion hung in the south
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Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t
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We crouched behind a hedge. The cop
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Shit Follows Voices told me to run.
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“You’re dying,” he said. Spot
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Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and
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Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with
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At the corner, I sat in a hard chai
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Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an
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The Dead On the edge of sleep, just
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Real and Not Real Visiting hours st
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I stared at the trees on the other
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Home Part of me thought things woul
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He was a wall of bone and muscle. H
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She came back to the bathroom. “I
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Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel
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gulped down. That was it. This was
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Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl
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“She hates me,” I said, soundin
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Soon I knew things. I knew someday
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Open Communication Pain and oxy str
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Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne
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“You’ll make it,” Tad said. I
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Love Oxy made everything okay. Not
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Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”
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Fight For days, we fought but we fo
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“Really?” she asked. The word h
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An old man stopped. He looked from
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Faith There he was. Gid. In the win
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The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r
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Always and Forever I dreamed of lig
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Temptation Last call. The stage emp
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Empty Promises It started. But then
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Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
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Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
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Black birds came from the corners.
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This Body I dreamed of music, compl
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Miracles I was late. I was never la
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laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
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“You’re talking religion,” Co
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Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.
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This Is Love First, I saw his hands
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Making Sure Posters of smiling wome
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Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li
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Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
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Closet Water stains made dark masks
Page 185 and 186: “You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
Page 187 and 188: “The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
Page 189 and 190: “I love you,” Gid said. He went
Page 191 and 192: “You’re not a guy,” he said.
Page 193 and 194: Heavy Music and movement. I spun an
Page 195 and 196: It felt as if my skin were going to
Page 197 and 198: “They did nothing to you,” Gid
Page 199 and 200: I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
Page 201 and 202: “Really,” I said. “They can s
Page 203 and 204: I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
Page 205 and 206: “What’s up?” she asked. “Te
Page 207 and 208: I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
Page 209 and 210: Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
Page 211 and 212: The Talk “What’s his name?” T
Page 213 and 214: Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
Page 215 and 216: pushing his fingers into my pie and
Page 217 and 218: “She thinks I cheated,” I said.
Page 219 and 220: “You know better.” Suddenly, I
Page 221 and 222: “You know,” she said. “No one
Page 223 and 224: “No,” I said. “Yes. And other
Page 225 and 226: “I know.” Her fingers squeezed
Page 227 and 228: That put an end to it.
Page 229 and 230: “What happens,” I asked, “if
Page 231 and 232: didn’t trust her because they ass
Page 233 and 234: “Have you thought of adoption?”
Page 235: “I have some newborn clothes here
Page 239 and 240: Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
Page 241 and 242: A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
Page 243 and 244: Birth It started with a rush of wat
Page 245 and 246: When they handed me my son, I cried
Page 247: He fought with me, but there was a
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