Becoming America - An Exploration of American Literature from Precolonial to Post-Revolution, 2018a

BECOMING AMERICA
REVOLUTIONARY AND EARLY NATIONAL PERIOD LITERATURE
wicked, as he would be faithful in shewing mercy to those who were ordained to it
before the world was; therefore Christ Jesus seemed to be all in all to that man’s
soul. I was much wounded at this discourse, and brought into such a dilemma as
I never expected. I asked him, if he was to die that moment, whether he was sure
to enter the kingdom of God; and added, ‘Do you know that your sins are forgiven
you?” he answered in the armative. Then confusion, anger, and discontent seized
me, and I staggered much at this sort of doctrine; it brought me to a stand, not
knowing which to believe, whether salvation by works, or by faith only in Christ.
I requested him to tell me how I might know when my sins were forgiven me. He
assured me he could not, and that none but God alone could do this. I told him
it was very mysterious; but he said it was really matter of fact, and quoted many
portions of Scripture immediately to the point, to which I could make no reply.
He then desired me to pray to God to shew me these things. I answered that I
prayed to God every day. He said, ‘I perceive you are a churchman.’ I answered,
I was. He then entreated me to beg of God, to shew me what I was, and the true
state of my soul. I though the prayer very short and odd; so we parted for that
time. I weighed all these things well over, and could not help thinking how is was
possible for a man to know that his sins were forgiven him in this life. I wished
that God would reveal this self-same thing unto me. In a short time after this I
went to Westminster chapel; the late Rev. Dr. Peckwell preached from Lam. iii.
39. It was a wonderful sermon; he clearly shewed that a living man had no cause
to complain for the punishments of his sins; he evidently justied the Lord in all
his dealings with the sons of men; he also shewed the justice of God in the eternal
punishment of the wicked and impenitent. The discourse seemed to me like a twoedged
sword cutting all ways; it aorded much joy, intermingled with many fears
about my soul; and when it was ended, he gave it out that he intended, the ensuing
week, to examine all those who meant to attend the Lord’s table. Now I thought
much of my good works, and, at the same time, was doubtful of my being a proper
object to receive the sacrament: I was full of meditation till the day of examining.
However, I went to the chapel, and, though much distressed, I addressed the
reverend gentleman, thinking, if I was not right, he would endeavour to convince
me of it. When I conversed with him, the rst thing he asked me was, What I
knew of Christ? I told him I believed in him, and had been baptized in his name.
‘Then,’ said he, ‘when were you brought to the knowledge of God; and how were
you convinced of sin? I knew not what he meant by these questions; I told him I
kept eight commandments out of ten; but that I sometimes swore on board ship,
and sometimes when on shore, and broke the sabbath. He then asked me if I could
read; I answered, ‘Yes.’—’Then,’ said he, ‘do you not read in the Bible, he that
oends in one point is guilty of all?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he assured me, that one sin
unattoned for was as sucient to damn a soul, as one leak was to sink a ship. Here
I was struck with awe; for the minister exhorted me much, and reminded me of the
shortness of time, and the length of eternity, and that no unregenerate soul, or any
thing unclean, could enter the kingdom of heaven.
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