Becoming America - An Exploration of American Literature from Precolonial to Post-Revolution, 2018a

BECOMING AMERICA
REVOLUTIONARY AND EARLY NATIONAL PERIOD LITERATURE
Chapter IV
My visits gradually became more frequent. Meanwhile my wants increased,
and the necessity of some change in my condition became daily more urgent. This
incited my reections on the scheme which I had formed. The time and place
suitable to my design, were not selected without much anxious inquiry and frequent
waverings of purpose. These being at length xed, the interval to elapse, before
the carrying of my design into eect, was not without perturbation and suspense.
These could not be concealed from my new friend and at length prompted him to
inquire into the cause.
It was not possible to communicate the whole truth; but the warmth of his
manner inspired me with some degree of ingenuousness. I did not hide from him
my former hopes and my present destitute condition. He listened to my tale with
no expressions of sympathy, and when I had nished, abruptly inquired whether I
had any objection to a voyage to Europe? I answered in the negative. He then said
that he was preparing to depart in a fortnight and advised me to make up my mind
to accompany him.
This unexpected proposal gave me pleasure and surprize, but the want of
money occurred to me as an insuperable objection. On this being mentioned, Oho!
said he, carelessly, that objection is easily removed, I will bear all expenses of your
passage myself.
The extraordinary benecence of this act as well as the air of uncautiousness
attending it, made me doubt the sincerity of his oer, and when new declarations
removed this doubt, I could not forbear expressing at once my sense of his
generosity and of my own unworthiness.
He replied that generosity had been expunged from his catalogue as having no
meaning or a vicious one. It was the scope of his exertions to be just. This was the
sum of human duty, and he that fell short, ran beside, or outstripped justice was a
criminal. What he gave me was my due or not my due. If it were my due, I might
reasonably demand it from him and it was wicked to withhold it. Merit on one side
or gratitude on the other, were contradictory and unintelligible.
If I were fully convinced that this benet was not my due and yet received it,
he should hold me in contempt. The rectitude of my principles and conduct would
be the measure of his approbation, and no benet should he ever bestow which
the receiver was not entitled to claim, and which it would not be criminal in him
to refuse.
These principles were not new from the mouth of Ludloe, but they had, hitherto,
been regarded as the fruits of a venturous speculation in my mind. I had never
traced them into their practical consequences, and if his conduct on this occasion
had not squared with his maxims, I should not have imputed to him inconsistency.
I did not ponder on these reasonings at this time: objects of immediate importance
engrossed my thoughts.
One obstacle to this measure was removed. When my voyage was performed
how should I subsist in my new abode? I concealed not my perplexity and he
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