Becoming America - An Exploration of American Literature from Precolonial to Post-Revolution, 2018a

BECOMING AMERICA
REVOLUTIONARY AND EARLY NATIONAL PERIOD LITERATURE
on the doctrines of the Roman church; but my convictions were easily subdued
by a new species of argumentation, and, in a short time, I reverted to my ancient
disbelief, so that, if an exterior conformity to the rights of Spain were requisite to
the attainment of my purpose, that conformity must be dissembled.
My moral principles had hitherto been vague and unsettled. My circumstances
had led me to the frequent practice of insincerity; but my transgressions as
they were slight and transient, did not much excite my previous reections, or
subsequent remorse. My deviations, however, though rendered easy by habit, were
by no means sanctioned by my principles. Now an imposture, more profound and
deliberate, was projected; and I could not hope to perform well my part, unless
steadfastly and thoroughly persuaded of its rectitude.
My friend was the eulogist of sincerity. He delighted to trace its inuence on the
happiness of mankind; and proved that nothing but the universal practice of this
virtue was necessary to the perfection of human society. His doctrine was splendid
and beautiful. To detect its imperfections was no easy task; to lay the foundations
of virtue in utility, and to limit, by that scale, the operation of general principles;
to see that the value of sincerity, like that of every other mode of action, consisted
in its tendency to good, and that, therefore the obligation to speak truth was not
paramount or intrinsical: that my duty is modelled on a knowledge and foresight
of the conduct of others; and that, since men in their actual state, are inrm and
deceitful, a just estimate of consequences may sometimes make dissimulation my
duty were truths that did not speedily occur. The discovery, when made, appeared
to be a joint work. I saw nothing in Ludlow but proofs of candour, and a judgment
incapable of bias.
The means which this man employed to t me for his purpose, perhaps owed
their success to my youth and ignorance. I may have given you exaggerated ideas
of his dexterity and address. Of that I am unable to judge. Certain it is, that no time
or reection has abated my astonishment at the profoundness of his schemes, and
the perseverance with which they were pursued by him. To detail their progress
would expose me to the risk of being tedious, yet none but minute details would
suciently display his patience and subtlety.
It will suce to relate, that after a sucient period of preparation and
arrangements being made for maintaining a copious intercourse with Ludlow,
I embarked for Barcelona. A restless curiosity and vigorous application have
distinguished my character in every scene. Here was spacious eld for the exercise
of all my energies. I sought out a preceptor in my new religion. I entered into the
hearts of priests and confessors, the hidalgo and the peasant, the monk and the
prelate, the austere and voluptuous devotee were scrutinized in all their forms.
Man was the chief subject of my study, and the social sphere that in which I
principally moved; but I was not inattentive to inanimate nature, nor unmindful of
the past. If the scope of virtue were to maintain the body in health, and to furnish
its highest enjoyments to every sense, to increase the number, and accuracy, and
order of our intellectual stores, no virtue was ever more unblemished than mine.
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