Becoming America - An Exploration of American Literature from Precolonial to Post-Revolution, 2018a

BECOMING AMERICA
REVOLUTIONARY AND EARLY NATIONAL PERIOD LITERATURE
regimen, compelled to eat and sleep and associate at certain hours, were strangers
to all rational independence and liberty. Society would never be exempt from
servitude and misery, till those articial ties which held human beings together
under the same roof were dissolved. He endeavoured to regulate his own conduct
in pursuance of these principles, and to secure to himself as much freedom as the
present regulations of society would permit. The same independence which he
claimed for himself he likewise extended to me. The distribution of my own time,
the selection of my own occupations and companions should belong to myself.
But these privileges, though while listening to his arguments I could not deny
them to be valuable, I would have willingly dispensed with. The solitude in which
I lived became daily more painful. I ate and drank, enjoyed clothing and shelter,
without the exercise of forethought or industry; I walked and sat, went out and
returned for as long and at what seasons I thought proper, yet my condition was a
fertile source of discontent.
I felt myself removed to a comfortless and chilling distance from Ludloe. I
wanted to share in his occupations and views. With all his ingenuousness of aspect
and overow of thoughts, when he allowed me his company, I felt myself painfully
bewildered with regard to his genuine condition and sentiments.
He had it in his power to introduce me to society, and without an introduction,
it was scarcely possible to gain access to any social circle or domestic reside. Add
to this, my own obscure prospects and dubious situation. Some regular intellectual
pursuit would render my state less irksome, but I had hitherto adopted no scheme
of this kind.
Chapter V
Time tended, in no degree, to alleviate my dissatisfaction. It increased till the
determination became at length formed of opening my thoughts to Ludloe. At the
next breakfast interview which took place, I introduced the subject, and expatiated
without reserve, on the state of my feelings. I concluded with entreating him to
point out some path in which my talents might be rendered useful to himself or to
mankind.
After a pause of some minutes, he said, What would you do? You forget the
immaturity of your age. If you are qualied to act a part in the theatre of life, step
forth; but you are not qualied. You want knowledge, and with this you ought
previously to endow yourself . . . . . Means, for this end, are within your reach. Why
should you waste your time in idleness, and torment yourself with unprotable
wishes? Books are at hand . . . . books from which most sciences and languages can
be learned. Read, analise, digest; collect facts, and investigate theories: ascertain
the dictates of reason, and supply yourself with the inclination and the power to
adhere to them. You will not, legally speaking, be a man in less than three years. Let
this period be devoted to the acquisition of wisdom. Either stay here, or retire to
an house I have on the banks of Killarney, where you will nd all the conveniences
of study.
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