INSIDE THE GURU'S GATE - Anpere

selected group of male relatives on the bride’s side travelled to the house of the
groom-to-be, bringing lumped brown sugar (gur), dry fruits, money and other gifts
depending on their financial status. In the presence of village elders, and some religious
functionary, the bride’s party ceremonially handed over the gifts to the groom
seated on a wooden platform. He bit one of the sweets and sometimes the bride’s
party put money in his lap, while the union of the two families was verbally declared.
613 In some communities it was the groom’s party who went to the house of the
bride to perform the mangna ceremony by offering sweets, money, clothes, and jewelry
that was distributed to the bride’s relatives. In either case, the betrothal was seen
as an agreement between the families and the bride did not participate in the ceremony.
As her relatives returned home, she and her family members were often given
gifts from the groom’s family, such as ornaments, sweets, dry fruits, money, and
often the bridal shawl (chuni). If the families had not already settled a date for the
wedding, it was the duty of the bride’s family to determine an auspicious date. The
barber, or some other messenger from the brides’ side, conveyed a regular invitation
by letter to the family of the groom, which was replied to with a gift to the house of
the bride.
Contemporary practices of betrothal display just as many similarities as differences.
Instead of the traditional mangna ceremony the two families knitting together
bonds will arrange a ceremony called roka or thaka, literally “reservation”, during
which the parents and other relatives of the prospective couple get together at a place
by appointment, either at the house of the bride or in the gurdwara, to settle the
wedding. 614 Roka is a modern custom reflecting that marriages are more considered to
be a concern of the individual families rather than the community at large. The key
acts of this ceremony are to decide the wedding day, sometimes with consideration of
auspicious dates suggested by an astrologer, the performance of the Ardas and exchange
of gifts. When the reservation is settled and the wedding announced, the
becoming bride and her family will be offered monetary gifts, gold and the shawl for
the wedding.
Due to the influence of Western traditions, many families in urban settings have
come to perform a ring ceremony, in which the couple exchanges golden rings to
wear during the wedding. It is generally the bride’s family who organizes this ceremony,
including a music program, at their residence or rented assembly rooms.
613
In some communities it was the groom’s party who went to the house of the bride to perform
the mangna ceremony by offering sweets, money, clothes, and jewellery that was distributed to
the bride’s relatives (Wikeley 1991: 36, Rose 1999(1919): 784 ff).
614
In a study of marriage practices in Jalandhar district, Hershman observed that his informants
chose to perform the more simplified ceremony thaka or roka instead of the traditional mangna
ceremony. As Hershman writes, “It is a type of promising which precedes the engagement so
that the ritual of mangni is performed prior to the viah [marriage] at the village of the bride on
the arrival of the groom’s marriage party. By this, both engagement and marriage are performed
together and the groom’s side is saved the expense of having to feast their kinsmen twice as they
were enjoined to do traditionally both at marriage and engagement” (Hershman 1981: 162).
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Published on www.anpere.net in May 2008