Forbidden Words: Taboo and the Censoring of Language

Taboo, naming and addressing 139
In fact, we have a little problem. Recently my wife and I offered the fiancé of our
daughter to say ‘Du’ to him. He then asked how he should address us. We explained he
could address us just as he liked; we thought he would say either ‘Mutter’ and ‘Vater’
or ‘Mama’ and ‘Papa’. However, we are greatly surprised to see that the young man
calls us now by our first names. Whilst our daughter thinks this is all right, modern and
colloquial, we ourselves find this world hostile and confounded. Being both about fifty
years old, are we already hopelessly antiquated? (Adler 1978: 202)
In Germany, du is used to deities and saints (and also the deceased person
at a funeral); it is used to children and used by them to peers up to their
twenties. However, a child may expect strangers to use Sie from about fifteen;
indeed, there is a law in many Länder that requires teachers to use Sie to
students in the final few years of secondary school. According to Raymond
Hickey, if they first meet on neutral ground (e.g. as next-door neighbours),
speakers over thirty use Sie when they first meet, and unless a suitable
occasion arises to switch to du, continue to use Sie for ever. 33 However, the
choice of initial address form really depends on the character of the speaker,
the semiotics of dress and appearance of the addressee, and the context of
encounter. 34 Some bosses resist accepting du in the belief that control will be
lost if criticism or a reprimand is warranted; others insist on du to create the
impression of equality. The move from Sie to du involves an offer from the
more powerful member of the dyad, and is rarely without ceremony. One
initial move is to say something like Sie können mich doch Hans nennen ‘you
can call me Hans’, where Hans is (an abbreviated) first name; but the use of
du doesn’t necessarily follow. Reverting from du to Sie is usually the result of
some irreparable rift. 35
Returning to the use of naming and addressing with the consultative style in
English: the speaker will employ consultative style to address or name using
title _ surname for the task, e.g. Mr Smith, (a) where the speaker is superior in
status to, but of friendly disposition towards, the hearer-or-named or (b)
where the speaker and hearer-or-named are of similar social status but there
is considerable social distance between them. If the speaker is superior in
status to the hearer-or-named, s/he can choose either to maintain the status
difference or to be less formal and show solidarity by using in-group markers;
these demonstrate a concern to enhance the hearer-or-named’s positive face, 36
by seeking to make the hearer-or-named feel good about themselves. Where
the speaker and the hearer-or-named are of similar social status and there is
little social distance between them, the informal in-group language found in
colloquial styles is the regular mark of solidarity. These styles are marked by
contractions, ellipsis, diminutives, colloquialisms, and perhaps slang and
swearing. 37 Among adults, address forms in colloquial style include given
name or nickname, perhaps with the surname; also American English
bud(dy), Australian and southern British English mate, northern British