THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SATANIC CULT INVOLVEMENT: AN ...

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14.7.5. Motives for leaving Satanism and experience of this process
The process of S's leaving Satanism occurred gradually over a number of years, as the
negative effects of his involvement became apparent (91). He was initially disinclined to
leave because Satanism gave him power and authority over people (73). He also knew
that leaving would not be easy, as the remaining members would terrorise, manipulate, and
blackmail him into staying (72). However, S could no longer deny the negative impact of
satanic involvement on his life. His general sensory awareness became blunted, and he
lost all appreciation of beauty (95). His hatred and hostility drove his friends away, and
isolated him from his family (92,94). He started deteriorating physically, becoming
extremely thin and looking older than his years (96). He felt lonely, unloved, and deprived
of female affection because women were afraid of him (97). He eventually even lost his
compelling desire for supernatural power (99).
At this point, feeling empty and reduced to the barest level of existence, S lost the will to
live (93). He could not rid himself of the controlling demons, and feared persecution
should he attempt to leave the cult. His life had become unbearable, and S attempted
suicide as the only means of escape from his predicament (85, 98). At an intrapsychic
level, these events, culminating in a serious attempt to kill himself, may be understood to
have resulted from the activity of S's destructive subpersonality, which attacked every
libidinal aspect of his world, leaving him unloved, lonely, empty, and tormented by
persecutory bad objects.
After being discharged from hospital following his suicide attempt, S met a Christian who
vowed to rescue him from Satanism (100). S wanted to change his life for the better, and
so allowed Christians to pray for his deliverance from Satanism (101). When he
underwent the Christian exorcism ceremony he began growling, screaming, swearing, and
shivering. with cold (86). These dramatic reactions to the exorcism procedure may be
interpreted in terms of a dissociative state, induced when the destructive subpersonality,
experienced as a hostile possessing entity, manifested when S attempted to ally himself
with libidinal parts ofhis mind, evoked by Christian love and prayer.
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