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THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SATANIC CULT INVOLVEMENT: AN ...

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I: You eventually got out ofSatanism. How did that happen?<br />

Natural meanin~ units<br />

Central themes<br />

151. I fell in love with a girl, A. For once I 151. In the context of a heterosexual<br />

felt love, andwanted more.<br />

relationship, E felt love for the first time, and<br />

desired more.<br />

152. I wanted to leave the movement, but I 152. Although E wanted to leave Satanism,<br />

knew I couldn't. Satan controlled me, body, he knew that Satan's complete control over<br />

soul, andspirit.<br />

him would not permit it.<br />

153. He knew what I'd think, andI would be 153. E believed that Satan could read his<br />

severely punished.<br />

thoughts and would punish him for wanting<br />

to leave the cult.<br />

154. I lived in constant fear - fear ofgiving 154. E believed that if he allowed himself to<br />

in to love, fear ofwhat the demons would do experience love, he would be punished by his<br />

tome.<br />

possessing demons.<br />

J55. Satan was merciless .... I knew I would 155. E believed that Satan was merciless and<br />

die ifI pulled out.<br />

would kill him ifhe left the cult.<br />

156. I thought then that I was psycho, split 156. E doubted his sanity as he experienced<br />

in two. Half of me adored evil, and the an internal split within him, between a part<br />

other halfworshippedgood.<br />

which adored evil, and an opposing part<br />

which worshipped good.<br />

157. I started to feel guilty about the things 157. E, feeling guilty about the acts he had<br />

I'd done, andfelt that I deserved to die. committed, believed that death was a fitting<br />

punishment.<br />

J58. I had a collection of knives, and one 158. Feeling that he wanted and deserved to<br />

morning I wondered what it would be like to die, E cut himselfwith a knife.<br />

watch myself die. I made a long cut down<br />

my forearm. Bloodpoured everywhere, but<br />

I didn't feel any pain. I wanted to die, I<br />

deserved to die.<br />

J59. Just them my mother walked in and I 159. After E's suicidal gesture was<br />

covered my arm with a sheet. I wore long- interrupted he hid the evidence ofhis actions<br />

sleeved shirts after that 'cos I didn't want and lied about the origin ofthe scar.<br />

anyone to know what I had done. One day<br />

my dad saw the scar. I explained that I had<br />

accidentally cut it one barbedwire.<br />

160. I was feeling very lonely. People think 160. Despite E's popularity and sexual<br />

that you can't be lonely if you're popular attractiveness to others, he felt lonely and<br />

19

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