THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SATANIC CULT INVOLVEMENT: AN ...

S questioned his sanity, I feel myself to be two contradictory people, Split good and Anxiety Split good and 156
experiencing an internal split one identified with satanic evil, and one bad selfaspects. bad internal
between a part attracted to evil, and identified with goodness and love. [Internal objects.
another part attracted to good. split between antagonistic libidinal and
destructive parts ofthe self].
S, feeling guilty about the satanic I have damaged and destroyed all that is good, Destructive, Guilt, self- Destroyed good 157,158
acts he had committed, believed that and will punish myself by taking my own life. guilty. hatred. object.
he deserved to die and attempted [Depressive fantasies of having destroyed the
suicide by cutting himself.
good internal object results in unbearable guilt
and self-destructive impulses].
After S's suicide attempt was Others must not be allowed to know of my Ashamed Self- Potential 159
interrupted, he hid the evidence of shameful self-destructive act. loathing. witnesses of
his self-destructive act, and lied shameful
about the origin ofthe scar.
actions.
Despite S's popularity and sexual Others may like me and be sexually attracted Unloved, empty. Pain, Unattainable 160
attractiveness to others he felt lonely to me, but I feel unloved and crave a quality frustration. loving object.
and craved emotional love. of loving that feels unattainable.
Feeling despair, S cut himself in I will kill myself because I feel empty, Hopeless, Despair. Lost, dead 161
another suicide attempt. hopeless and irredeemable. [The fantasy of despairing. loving object.
having destroyed everything good inside him
makes living unbearable].
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