DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

George described the phase around separation as being like “a huge
implosion” (p.6). He further says that that it was a “huge slap” that woke him up from
a drug-fuelled path of possible self-destruction:
“I’m thinking it was crucial for me to go there and to be close to death almost. I had
to hit rock bottom and I had to have that crisis experience, in order for me almost to
be debilitated and to be forced to take time for myself, to be reflective and to think
gosh, I was very close there to things almost ending, and to recognise, so it was a
huge slap, a huge explosion or implosion, and then it seemed to me that I could have
gone two ways, and one could have been more self destruction but I gladly went the
other way.” (p.6)
For Neil, separation from job and marriage happened at almost the same time.
He talked to his wife about their relationship, and both admitted they were very
unhappy. When his marriage ended, the motive to stay in his job, which was not
fulfilling him, ebbed away, so that both work and relationship come to an end
together, age 34. He described his life structure as “broken” when he lost his job and
his marriage ended. He says he felt “damaged”, as the supports and structures that
lent him a sense of self-esteem are no longer there, but new structures are yet to be
found which may provide an alternative sense of worth.
Both Guy and Ben found their life structures falling apart when their wives tell
them they are having an affair and want a divorce. They were both 35 at the time.
Guy describes feeling “pole-axed” by this news, while Ben described himself as being
“absolutely demolished.” (p.2). At the same time as their marriages fall apart, Guy is
demoted, and Ben’s PhD is rejected.
Around nine months after his wife’s admission of having an affair, Guy in the
end initiates the divorce proceedings with his wife and so separation from his home
life is brought about. His job changes concurrently to a far less important position
within the bank, which was perceived as a “failure” by others at his work place. Guy
reports feeling anger, sadness and depression at this time, and Ben experiences
emotions including anger and sadness. Guy finds himself crying a lot, and admits to
considering suicide at the time. He says at this point he experienced “this almost total
annihilation.” (p.4), as though he felt like his identity had disappeared.
Six months or so after his wife’s admission of her affair, Ben formally
separates from his wife. He describes a sense of “just floating, and not knowing
where I was.” (p.2). Having had little in the way of self-belief up until the crisis, this
gives a sense of profound failure:
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