DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

anybody that Tim and I were divorcing. That was very stressful in
itself, realising that they were wanting to keep a secret something
that I so needed to happen and wanted to be out in the open. That
was one of the biggest stresses of all. “7
“that crisis was my path to liberation, definitely.” 9
2h) Guilt and self-blame “I felt guilty just for having that hour out, because I knew it was
taking me away from the people who were holding on to me, and
there was some fear in that too, some fear in letting go of those
familiar objects – husband and parents.” 6
“I still had the guilt thinking hold on, how does being a mother fit
with being this free, autonomous person? Isn’t that really selfish, I
had to juggle with some of those thoughts and feelings at the
time.” 6
“There was guilt…much, much guilt.” 7
“The bottom line was I had to carry this label of being an
appallingly bad person – a selfish, horrible person.” 7
2i) Excitement and
experimentation
3. Self
Codes
3a) Empty Former
Self
“Well the excitement factor came in, which was, gosh, if I don’t
have to be with my husband, that means I can do this, this and
this. I can go out with other men, I can have sex, I can go and do
things I’ve never done before. I’d never ever been to a disco.” 6
“There was no clear path ahead. It really was just experimenting,
making new friends, dropping bad friends, learning from people.”
11
“And that’s how I got through that muddled period of finding the
direction I was going to take. It was very much trial and error,
talking to people, allowing myself to perhaps be directed, and
usually it was in the wrong direction, and I’d come back again.” 11
Illustrative Quotes
“they would have seen me as fairly malleable and easy going, but
probably quite empty, and a bit of a non-person actually.” 9
“Just very accepting of everything, putting up with my lot really.” 9
“very much needing to be a good girl” p.1
“I was characteristically nice, and would never upset anyone.” P.9
“They would have seen me as quiet, shy, fairly lacking in personality,
certainly not assertive, they would have seen me as fairly malleable
and easy going, but probably quite empty, and a bit of a non-person
actually. I was characteristically nice, and would never upset
anyone…I was like my mother really. Just very accepting of
everything, putting up with my lot really.” 9
3b) Search for Self “I think the process of searching for myself, although I didn’t know
that’s what I was looking for, started when I first sought out the
counselling, in the later part of my marriage. I just had a sense that
something was not right, that something did not fit, did not work. I
didn’t realise what I was searching for. Well I did actually, I sat in front
of that therapist and said ‘please, I don’t know who I am’. I think that
was very much a cry for – help me find myself, you know, I’m lost. I
think that’s where it began. Its still going on.” 10
“I was excited at the prospect of testing my sexuality, of being able to
emerge from the crushed little girl and the boring plain wife to being
allowed to experiment with make up and sexy clothes.“ 6
“I did start going out, and experimenting with myself being a sexy
woman, wearing short skirts. I suppose I did that. Whether that was
to offset the stress or not, or whether that was just experimenting with
my new identity or my liberation, I am not sure. Gosh. I don’t know.” 8
3c) Self-validation “And for that one hour a week, I had a slot where I felt that I was being
true to myself, acknowledging this part of me that was emerging.” 6
“I felt I was celebrating some sense of self in me, I’d validated
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