DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

were trying to crush it too.” 4
“When I had my second child I think there started to be an inner
awareness that some change was occurring within me, but the
change wasn’t altogether a good feeling, it was disturbing,
unsettling” 5
“At that point I had started to build up a social life for myself,
started to develop a little bit more as a person at that point. That
was then the trigger for some change occurring.” 4
2d) Emotional release “I found the courage to see a counsellor because I sensed that I
just needed someone to hear me, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted
to say, but I just knew I wanted to talk to somebody” 4
“I remember I sat there and this lady said how can I help you and
she was really motherly and lovely and I just burst into tears, and I
said I don’t know how you can help me because I don’t know what
I want. In fact I don’t even know who I am. There started a very
long process of actually finding out who I was, of giving me some
sense of identity that wasn’t part of my mother and really coming to
the realisation that I had to divorce myself from my parents, which
was a big shock at the time, and then divorcing Tim seemed kind
of natural after that. It was just the next thing to do.” 5
2e) Opening to the inner
world
2f) Embarking on a
quest
2g) Separation and
liberation
“there was a lot of pressure on me to keep this stuff down, but it
was very there and it was very, very much making itself known.” 5
“I would describe it almost as a voice that wanted to be heard in
me.” 6
“It was something that just couldn’t be quietened at any point
despite all the guilty feelings and the confusion and the tears and
everybody thinking that I was going crazy.” 6
“I was finding a voice for them [feelings], finding a channel to let
them out, and this lady was sitting there saying, yeah that’s OK,
and I was going what? You mean that’s OK, you mean I am
allowed to feel that, and she was saying yes! That was the start of
my liberation, but only the start. Small steps but it certainly gave
me the courage to make the decision.” 6
“I learned to trust them [feelings] and not run away from them.” 6
“Yeah, a feeling of two things happening – two feelings running
alongside. That was a feeling of discontent and general
unhappiness, a general feeling of being unfulfilled, or just generally
very unsettled, but running along side that there was kind of an
excitement too in terms of – this means something, if I can stay
with this I am going to find out what it is that’s going on.” 5
“I had feelings of confusion or what does it mean? Where is it
taking me?” 5
“I thought I was going crazy, but I still held on to that belief, that
core belief that, hold on, this is telling me something, taking me
somewhere.” 6
“I was always looking for people who could teach me something,
and I still do actually, it’s a bit of quest for me, I’m always looking
to find guidance and advice. I’m always open to learn something
new, I will never feel this is it, I’ve learnt everything.” 11
“Straight after Tim left, the actual separation, from when he left the
house, there was a massive feeling of relief, and with the relief
came a sense of liberation.” 8
“Wow, I’m me, I can do whatever I like, I’m free” and there was that
instant feeling, but obviously that was clouded by having unhappy
kids around me, and the guilt and working out the payments and
money, and Tim being miserable and giving me a pretty hard time
about it all. But the mounting excitement that I was free couldn’t
be quenched really. But there was guilt and bad feeling, it wasn’t
wonderful, believe me, but it was there.” 8
“For a long time after they couldn’t bring themselves to tell
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